Episode 106: Having A Healthy Relationship with Yourself + Breaking Through the Self-Development Trap

Many conversations about relationships revolve around our relationships with others – romantic, platonic, family – but today we are talking about the relationship each of us has with ourselves. How you treat yourself can set the tone for others treat you. When you have a strong connection with yourself, you are more equipped to uphold necessary boundaries, listen to your intuition, and show up in all areas of your life with authenticity.

This is the perfect episode to listen to when you’re ready for loving self-reflection and beautiful moments with yourself to wander amongst the gems.

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Les A.

The self-development trap that we can fall into can be intoxicating — to go after and romanticize that best version of ourselves. To think, I’m doing all these things – I’m becoming THAT girl/person. Or, to be the best me means I need to change x, y, and z. Very recently I’ve come to realize that becoming myself doesn’t mean molding myself into something that’s unrecognizable, and overhauling and changing who I am. It actually means stepping into and accepting and nurturing who I am – and that is that essence. That is that thing that’s inside of you that only you can tap into. That is the importance and feeling of coming home to yourself.

I also talk about…

  • Journaling prompts for deepening your connection to self.
  • How to observe yourself & lean into your needs.
  • The way you talk to yourself impacts your self-worth.
  • Three steps to build a healthy relationship with self.



Go back to the inner child within you. You may need to meditate to see them again, but when you do, ask them these questions and write down their answers.

  • What makes you happy?
  • What do you love the most in life?
  • What gets you excited?
  • When you use your voice, how do people respond? Do they listen?
  • What needs do you have that aren’t being met?


Having needs that continuously go unmet can be a very painful experience. The first step to getting your needs met is understanding what they are, and often that answer comes from within. As you work to strengthen your relationship with yourself, observe your own thoughts and emotions – are you speaking and acting from unmet needs?

Once you have those needs identified, explore what it would look like and feel like to have them met. What would it feel like to unapologetically show up for yourself? How can you create more space to show up fort yourself?


Self-talk plays an instrumental role in our relationship with ourselves, especially if you resonate with the “words of affirmation” love language. As I seek to improve my relationship with myself, I am regularly re-evaluating the ways I speak to myself. I’ve often found my self-talk to be overly harsh and critical – I would never say some of the things I say to myself to anyone else. And I certainly wouldn’t tolerate someone else talking to me or my inner child the way I talk to myself.

When it comes to healthy, loving self-talk, we need to keep the same energy with ourselves that we expect to give to and receive from others. Observe the way you talk to yourself over a period of time. If you find many of those words and thoughts to be unkind, that can be a good area of focus for your self-love practice.


Ready to step into a more relationship with self? Only you know your true needs and desires, but here are three places I recommend getting started:

  1. Be kind to yourself | take time to identify and recognize how you treat yourself
  2. Connect to your inner essence | who are you and what does Little You need?
  3. Declare your value | use your inner knowing as your guide to setting standards for both the way that you treat you and those around you


  • Though we all grow and evolve, your inner essence is uniquely yours and is the one thing you carry with you throughout your life. Seek to deepen your understanding of your inner essence.
  • When you spend less time judging yourself and more time observing your needs and desires, you can create a beautiful relationship with yourself that can serve as healthy foundation for all your other relationships.
  • The way you talk to yourself matters. Seek to romance yourself with your own words and thoughts – you deserve it.
  • The limit does not exist when it comes to the standards you can set for how you want to be treated.

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