As important as it is to strive for work-life balance, the act of trying to achieve that can get you into a toxic trap of scarcity (especially if you try to constantly “check-out” between those hours of 9-5).
Yikes! I know – but that’s why it’s such a gift to have Tiffany Dufu on the show. She helps rein us in, providing check-in points to see if we’re actually getting what we need out of our professional relationships as well as our personal ones. In this episode, we look at what it means to operate within a team and what our place within that space actually looks like.
And just in case you haven’t met Tiffany yet, she is the author of Drop the Ball: Achieving More by Doing Less and the founder of Cru – an expansive support group for helping you reach your entrepreneurial and life goals. Trust me, this episode is going to be a trip!
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Dropping the ball is this idea of dropping the unrealistic expectations that we feel. And really getting clear about what matters most to us – separate and apart from what matters to people who raised us, advertisers, marketers — and what is our highest and best use in achieving what matters most. Are we just going through the motions every day? Or are we really focused on what we should be doing on a day-to-day basis to get to where we want to go?
WE ALSO DISCUSS…
- The profound difference between pronoia and paranoia.
- Reframing what it means to drop the ball.
- Not asking for help when you need it is an act of scarcity.
- Making good on your dreams and ambitions.
RESOURCES (CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS):
- Join Cru and get the support you need!
- Read Tiffany’s book → Drop the Ball: Achieving More by Doing Less
- Follow Tiffany on Instagram – @tdufu
- Check out Tiffany’s website: http://tiffanydufu.com/
- Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges by Amy Cuddy
THE PROFOUND DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PRONOIA AND PARANOIA
If you have never heard the term pronoia before (the opposite of paranoia), then let me assure you that you are not alone. In fact, Tiffany shared in the episode that she didn’t even know what pronoia was until fairly recently. So here’s the difference between pronoia and paranoia.
- Paranoia – the belief that the world or individuals are conspiring against them.
- Pronoia – the belief that the world or entities are conspiring for your greatest good.
Fascinating, right? After all, why wouldn’t the Universe always be working in your best favor? More so than anything else, being pronoid is a mindset shift that allows you to have a lifestyle that is more affirming and compassionate – a mindset that makes every failure a success, and every left turn a repivot towards where you’re meant to be. Very liberating.
REFRAMING WHAT IT MEANS TO DROP THE BALL
This is a bit of a sneak-peek into Tiffany’s book, linked above under resources, but we live in a society that makes women prove themselves by setting out to accomplish more than the standard man while tending to the domestic labors that men view as less than. Yeah, it’s layered. So in a world where we always have to do more, more, and even more, it’s taxing and stressful to keep juggling all the balls in the air without a moment’s break.
Tiffany’s enthusiasm and passion for dropping the ball is illuminating. Because by trying not to drop all the balls, we inevitably drop the most vital and important balls to keep in the air. By letting go, we’re not only lightening our burdensome load, but we are also releasing our unrealistic expectations. Reframing what it means to drop the ball – from a negative to a positive – will bring you more intention, ease, and success in both your personal and professional life.
NOT ASKING FOR HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT IS AN ACT OF SCARCITY
Okay, so – that’s a pretty bold statement. But listening to Tiffany was really eye-opening. And it’s not when you never ask for help, but rather when you do need it and then you don’t take action in getting it. There could be a few different ways scarcity plays into this – which could be self-doubt, lack of self-worth, or a general fear of how others will view you. Those are just a few examples. If any of this resonates, then start to consider what you have to gain by not asking for help vs getting the help you need.
Now, if you are in an environment that makes it unsafe to reach out for help, there’s still a scarcity mindset present – it’s just not your scarcity mindset. Whoever is the creator of that space has certain assumptions or conditions on worthiness and has embedded them into the environment. So, the thing to recognize in these situations is that it’s not your burden to carry. And that awareness can help you pivot and redirect into a form of action that will actually serve you.
Regardless if it’s your scarcity or someone else’s, asking for help does not diminish your value – it does not make you any less smart, brighter, or capable. In fact, it makes you more remarkable, because knowing our weaknesses is a strength. So when we seek out help from others, we’re empowering ourselves and each other to do more.
MAKING GOOD ON YOUR DREAMS AND AMBITIONS
We’ve talked about this before, but you need to say ‘no’ to the things that hold you back so that you can say ‘yes’ to the things that light you up. But Tiffany takes this to another level. It’s not just about our passions – especially if there are lots of things that do light us up. We also have to consider what’s actionable and what is necessary. So as you develop your own sense of discernment when it comes to your dreams and ambitions, remember that:
- You can do it all, just not all at the same time.
- It’s okay to save something for later.
- Whatever it is, you don’t have to do it alone.
- If you’d like a lifestyle that is more affirming – a compassionate and loving mindset – you can choose to follow pronoia: the belief that the world is on your side.
- By dropping the ball with intention, what you’re really doing is letting go of your unrealistic expectations.
- Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but instead a sign of strength.
- When making good on our dreams and ambitions, we also have to consider what’s actionable and what is necessary – it’s okay to save something for later and to have help along the way.
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