We all experience identity shifts throughout our lives, and the transition into motherhood can bring a very significant shift in one’s identity, including the occurrence of mom guilt. To discuss these shifts, I’m sitting down with Dr. Veronica Eyo, a licensed therapist who specializes in supporting moms of color, and Rosalyn Davis, a community builder, breathwork practitioner, and new mom.
This episode is full of honest takes about what the transition into motherhood can feel like, how new and seasoned mothers can reconnect with themselves, and how we can all reparent ourselves.
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We Also Talk About…
- The importance of friendship for people with and without children.
- Moving through feelings of mom guilt.
- Why rest during the postpartum period is essential.
- The connection between motherhood and creativity.
Resources (contains affiliate links):
- Follow Dr. Veronica Eyo on Instagram @drveronicaeyo
- The book recommended by Dr. Veronica: Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much Going On
- The Fair Play Deck: A Couple’s Conversation Deck for Prioritizing What’s Important
- Follow Rosalyn Davis on Instagram @thesoulfulguide_ and @wearetakingupspace
- Join Rosalyn’s supportive community for new moms
- Subscribe to Rosalyn’s newsletter
- Get 10% off your first order of organic skin and body care from OSEA by using the code BBG at oseamalibu.com.
- Home Chef | Worried about what to make for dinner? Get fresh, perfectly portioned ingredients and chef-inspired recipes delivered to your door from Home Chef. For a limited time, visit www.homechef.com/balanced for 16 free meals.
Self-Care Tips for Moms
In the episode, guests Dr. Veronica and Rosalyn provide unique insights into navigating self-care during various stages of motherhood.
Overcoming Mom Guilt
To put it simply, mom guilt is when you feel guilty or have negative emotions about your role as a mother. It can come from not living up to certain expectations, or from feeling like you made a bad decision as a parent.
Many people feel guilt at some point in time during their journey as parents, so please know you aren’t alone.
There are things we can do to prevent and overcome the feelings of mom guilt. The first thing to recognize is that everyone makes mistakes, but they learn, they grow, and they move forward with better decisions next time. You are doing the best that you can do at any given moment with what you have available to you at that time. Dr. Veronica Eyo reminds us that our ability to grow, change, and evolve doesn’t stop at motherhood. In fact, the transition to motherhood often inspires further evolution.
Recognizing where our feelings of guilt come from can help us deal with them more effectively so we aren’t letting them control us. If we identify where these feelings are coming from- maybe an unrealistic expectation of ourselves- then we can begin working on overcoming these thoughts of guilt by making realistic expectations instead of impossible ones which bring on unnecessary guilt into our lives.
Reparenting Your Inner Child
Reparenting your inner child is a way to reconnect with and take care of the vulnerable younger part of yourself. It’s a form of self-love that can help you heal from childhood experiences, such as neglect or abuse, or even adult experiences like heartbreak. Through this reparenting process, you can come to understand the needs of your inner child and find ways to meet them in order to live a more authentic life with a deeper connection and compassion for yourself.
Reparenting is not just positive affirmations or positive thinking. It’s actually a form of shadow work that helps you uncover and acknowledge the fears, trauma, anger, shame, and confusion from your past rather than running from it or pretending it doesn’t exist. Only through working with our shadow parts can we begin healing them and releasing them into existence so we can access our full power as co-creators.
So why should you reparent your inner child? Because we all have unmet needs from childhood that are aching to be met—by ourselves—so we can feel whole again. According to Dr. Veronica Eyo, reparenting oneself is important for everyone, and becoming a parent can help reframe the ways your inner child needs more support.
Creativity and Motherhood
Creativity is an important part of every person’s life.
For many people, being creative means making art or music; for others, it might mean cooking a gourmet meal or writing a book. And for others, creativity means using their imagination to find new ways of expressing themselves and their feelings. Whether it’s painting a picture or decorating a room, creativity is all about finding new ways to express yourself and your ideas in whatever medium you’re most comfortable with.
Finding space for creativity can be incredibly beneficial for mothers. In fact, research suggests people may become more creative after giving birth. Rosalyn has experienced a boost in creativity after giving birth to her daughter. She says, “I created a whole human being. There is nothing I can’t do, create, conjure up, think up. I don’t care how it performs or if it’s perfect. I’m focused on the impact and how it makes people feel.”
The Fourth Trimester
The first three months after birth are considered “the fourth trimester.” There can be many demands on your time and energy, the lack of sleep can take its toll, and you may feel pressure to be a perfect parent. It is important to remember that being kind to yourself in these early stages is not only beneficial but necessary for your well-being.
As a new parent, it’s important to remember that there really aren’t any “typical” days; newborns are very different from each other and from older children who may sleep through the night or seem content playing by themselves for long stretches of time.
As such, it can be helpful to adjust your expectations about what constitutes “normal,” particularly at first when things are in flux so dramatically. What might be typical for one family or even one child isn’t necessarily what will bring out the best traits in another baby—that’s why it’s so important to refrain from comparison.
Episode 134 Transcript
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In our new life and creativity series talking about fertility motherhood and birthing new ideas.
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Recently on Instagram we got a comment from a Community member Laurie hi Laurie if you're listening that said I almost skipped these episodes because I've been avoiding fear-based convos about aging and
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but the discussions have been the complete opposite so real refreshing and empowering and honestly about so much more than motherhood so Lori thank you so much for leaving this comment.
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Really really just touched my heart that you felt this way and shared this because I will be honest I.
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Feel the same way I'm in my 30s and you know
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that's the age where things start getting really real and so I knew if I was going to be facilitating these conversations on the podcast I wanted to do so in a way that felt encouraging and that were with love and intention and not at all about
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Just anything that we're already getting enough of that we don't need more of so I'm really really happy to hear that
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it the episodes are resonating with you thank you for taking a chance and tuning in any way and I really hope that it has been worth your while.
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So today we've got another one I'm actually very excited about today's episode because we're trying something a little bit different we actually have two guests today to offer a few different perspectives around motherhood and support.
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First we're talking to Doctor Veronica I owe a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in working with mothers both new and seasoned as they navigate their motherhood Journey as well as managing systems of perinatal Mental Health.
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What she's found and working with many of her clients and from her own experiences as a mother is that during the transition to Motherhood it can be really hard to maintain one's identity
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because the role of mother can be all-consuming and after becoming a mother could be really hard to remember and stay in touch with who one is as an individual.
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So whether you're a parent or not
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I think that this segment is going to be really really helpful because we talked about reparenting ourselves and feeling firmly rooted in our identities but allowing flexibility for our identities to shift and change as we shift and change
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you're out our lives so
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let's talk to dr. Veronica Isle
you're a licensed therapist and you really focus on.
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Helping mothers navigate the mental physical emotional weight that they're carrying with being responsible for these other lives so how did you decide to specialize in working with mothers.
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So I became a mom so that was the most humbling experience that I so far have gone through knocking on wood will still keep going as learning I was a therapist before I used to work with adults.
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And so I thought when I became a mom I got this like come on I got the scales you know I'm healing my own traumas I'm going to I got this.
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And then my daughter was born and I knew the importance of support.
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But for me especially as a black woman and where I live it's a predominantly for like forward like a white neighborhood like I was like the only one in the mommy and me group that was a black mother and.
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I couldn't see myself in the things that I was talking about or trying to navigate and.
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You know these women I was able to connect with them but it was the struggle and not a nun like they weren't doing what they need to do but I think especially I need someone that could look like me can speak to what I needed and so.
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After I did my own work I was like okay let me I'm ready I'm going to be that person for someone who.
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Maybe she is struggling more and is needing that support and one of the things that helps as when I turn on the side do Telehealth right now so when I turn on the camera and they see my face and they're like oh hey girl what's up I'm like
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we got the yes right and so that's how I got into this I wanted to heal what parts of me that I needed so.
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I changed my practice and I predominantly really only work with mothers of color and work with all moms but from a predominantly mothers of color of like navigating this journey.
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Talking about some of these things and ultimately you know trying to show up the best way that we can yeah yeah thank you so much for sharing that.
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What really sticks out to me about the parts of your story that you just shared was just that that difference between you know knowing.
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I've done this work this is what I do for work I do this healing but then once you had your daughter just experiencing an entirely different reality and it feels like.
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There are things that we can do to prepare but until that little person is here.
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It's hard to fully understand the weight of kind of what life looks like moving forward is that fair to say from your experience and from your clients.
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Yeah absolutely absolutely you know we spend a lot of time especially,
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one getting pregnant right if you're intentionally in that way or dealing with the accidental pregnancy or whichever way we get to this this thing of motherhood and when you become pregnant so much work is put into.
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Here's the things you need to do for baby this is what you know the classes you need to take the doctor visits all this stuff and there's a very little work on Mom part like what is it like that you become a mom and.
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A lot of the work that I do is and even how I shop on social medias like even while you're pregnant let's start talking about this because.
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Even I don't know how you're going to be when you get there and
I think just giving yourself permission to.
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Be as you are as you navigate that like that is really important because.
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Even the way that you prepare could be totally often the baby that you have and the experience that you have and so if you're able to say.
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I'm going to give myself permission to prepare as much as I can but I'm also going to anticipate that some things may not be that way and.
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That's okay like let me find someone that can help me navigate that for me let me find my support whether that's a therapist or listening to a podcast or whatever it is I'm all for it because we need that especially as black Motors.
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One of the things I did want to ask you about was how we can reparenting selves and it's probably really challenging if you are reparenting yourself while parenting little people and then.
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Even if you're not parenting little people and you're still walking around in the world trying to repair it yourself and identify
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why you react to certain things what are some signs are indications that we may need a little bit of reparenting and if we identify that what can we do to start reparenting ourselves.
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So one of the kind of like tips that I come in to like we're in therapy when some person recommend or starts acknowledging like.
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Let me give an example of let's say your child is.
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I think a three or four year old right so now they're still little super cute but they're talking okay they're talking okay and so.
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Let's say how you grew up was very much our children to brg seen and not heard right.
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Try telling that to the three-year-old right now no three-year-old is just going to sit there OK they're going to talk back right now and I don't mean that talking back in a negative way I mean they got opinions the world hasn't shape them yet right and so.
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Let's acknowledge that you don't want to raise your kids in that way like that was something that really stood up for you because you've noticed.
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You know you struggle to speak up for your needs or you struggled even identify what your needs are because you practice so much in your life like squishing that down.
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I feel like that's the relatable one that a lot of us learn how to do to like just make yourself small like push it push it down like you know and so here you have a little one who doesn't understand those rules like.
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It's not there and you notice every time that they say anything back right well they say no Mom I don't want that
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or no thank you I'm actually going to pick on that note thank you cuz my little son its total self disclosure says no thank you for everything like very proper right very polite very polite right like he's just he got right
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but if my whole life my mic or upbringing was about doing as I was told to do.
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And here I have this little one who's not listening to me all right which I don't mean that - it's just you.
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He's too because what he's supposed to do he's supposed to challenge right but it becomes a big thing I noticed that I get big emotions or whether that's like my heart's pounding and the things I'm identifying comes from like
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work of like noticing what's happening or body right that's my heart's pounding might my hands are sweaty I noticed I'm getting red I noticed that I start yelling.
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You know a little kid who is telling me no thank you are no I don't want to do that all right let's say someone points it out someone just shot me says like.
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It's not that big of a deal or you notice right when you're putting them to sleep this is where some guilt or shame comes in a lot in motherhood when they're away they're asleep.
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Why am I getting so upset by this right that is like one little flag I call them little flags of like maybe there's something else there let's talk about it.
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Where are you allowed to say no thank you or no all right.
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Okay let's say you identify no I'm not and I'm making this seem so simple that it is there's a lot of Tears in here that in 30 years and like learning and growing up so you're gonna fry that so now we know that like hey when my kid tells me.
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No thank you or no I don't want to do this or you know whatever that version of like how growing up would have been seen as defiant.
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You know that that's a trigger and so what we talked about is I let's roleplay what would you have wanted to say what you wanted someone to tell you in that moment.
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Again pulling teeth pull in T it's hard because in that moment when your little one is telling you no thank you.
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It's a okay that's okay you know depending on what it is okay so like if they're saying you know no thank you I don't want to play this game right now.
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That's okay okay I'm going to be over here and do that.
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Then you go over there to wash the dishes or whatever and you're like deep breathing like pan that was so hard like to to respect and honor my child.
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And then you keep doing things like that over and over again like in different examples and what that does is.
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You then notice the connection that your kid has with you right now you have this kid who continues to grow up use for he's five he's six he said who continues to feel comfortable and telling you these things.
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That's small very big thing of like reparenting in that moment of identifying your triggers helps with the connection that you have.
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Then you notice God I'm so connected to my kid but it's hard work because let me tell you when they say no thank you like.
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Back in the day there would have been a different response right that's okay and that's why you need a space in therapy to say like I can the day this is what I would have done but this is how I'm going to show up but I just have the name.
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This piece right and so it goes with a I think that's the thing that you'll hear me say a lot of us like we have to acknowledge it.
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But then I'm also a big believer in practicing it whether that practice is involve playing of what it could look like so having a different different person to see a different perspective.
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Or if you don't feel comfortable this is where I feel like journaling comes in I have a lot of clients like they'll write out kind of I call them like incidents they'll write down like my kid did this and
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and then it's like a free frog journaling like write down everything that you wanted to say everything that's coming up for you like
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we got to see it all on paper all right and then from there like how would you want to react or how would you have wanted someone to react to you and then we just keep practicing that over and over and over again
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because that's what parenting is right like it's doing.
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It's walking in this journey and doing these different things over and over again until eventually get to a point that you don't need a parent right like your
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are grown that makes sense definitely it was wonderful I love that you touched on having a sense of curiosity with yourself and people listened to the podcast a lot they're probably sick of me talking about that but I think that it's so applicable to
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every way that we take care of ourselves is checking in where these feelings coming from,
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what is happening under the surface why am I reacting this way why am I responding this way and then allowing space to practice and to try different things out whether you're communicating with your child or with yourself I think that that was.
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Really really helpful I'm going to practice it but nobody knows how to parent.
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Yeah like no one even knows how to be an adult like we had them if the last two years has taught us anything we thought the world was one way and then I just switched and we have to adapt and.
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If you can keep that in perspective of like we're always shape the world is always changing and evolving I mean like I mean we got covid and everything you know like and.
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That's the one thing that can stay constant so yeah like you said name and that Curiosity which I appreciate as a listener I love that I really like
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yes I'll be telling clients yes you see that someone else is coming you have curiosity keep doing it yes because there's no absolute that's like what you were just saying about how much the world has changed can we talk a little bit more about that about,
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some of the pressure that comes in motherhood but.
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I'm sure has always existed to an extent but it feels like over the past decade or so particularly around social media and with having
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so many more
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access points to how people parent and to how they go through that experience and unsolicited advice and judgement and shame it feels like it's taking a job that was already really challenging and.
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Makes it next level challenging so if there are moms whether they are new moms whether they've been moms for a while who are just experiencing a lot of pressure around motherhood.
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How do you recommend they navigate through that to relieve some of that pressure.
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Get yourself a good girlfriend you need some support in this you need someone to kind of acknowledge it motherhood is hard that pressure is there and I think that pressure has existed beforehand.
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But there was never the opportunity I can't say never but there wasn't an opportunity or I didn't see an opportunity of people really.
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Meaning it it was kind of like for this is just all things are this is just what you need to do all right because the naming it or saying that hey the struggles are those pressures there was seen as if.
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You're doing something wrong or like do not love your kids why are they a pressure why is it a struggle.
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Ain't no mother wants to be questioned on how much they love their kid alright and so.
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You keep quiet unfortunately all right and that isn't helpful either because I can't speak for all therapists in the world but I will speak from myself of the clients that I hear.
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We always talk about parents and therapy parents always come up in their be all right and so if you have a generation of parents who have learned to keep things to themselves and not.
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Talk about this pressure that they're feeling or even their different struggles.
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Skip pass it on to the little ones intentionally or not like it passes on and so if you're listening and you're like men okay I'm glad that I can name that that pressure is there.
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Next thing I want to say is find the things that.
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So fill you or get curious with that okay so I said the get the girlfriend peace.
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And it's because I'm a firm believer in like talking obviously in my very biased opinion as a therapist I think talking is good but it's with the right kind of people the people who can.
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See you as maybe perhaps we were before because I think that's another thing about motherhood we do change in motherhood and there is.
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A lot of work that also comes back into.
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Yes I am a mother but how do I find myself again you know and so talking it out can be helpful to have someone else that can.
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Give you a different perspective whether that's a therapist or not the one thing that isn't helpful sometimes keeping things in her head.
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You know we can convince ourselves of.
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Who we are who are not when we keep things inside and so I'm definitely finding that that support was a girlfriend or.
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Partner or therapist and then a thing.
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Finding and this is where I am going to Don social media finding those accounts that align with you right whether they don't take talk or ons on Instagram whatever it is like.
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Sometimes even having someone who you don't know kind of say like.
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You know I think I remember once in the middle of the night when I was nursing my daughter I remember could were up that's that's what moms are a bouquet in the middle of night I remember seeing this mom talked about.
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She had like reordered so many things on Amazon she was like I was so tired that like I reordered the same thing I was like.
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Oh because I had just done that like three days the three nights before and I had felt so guilty I felt like what am I doing wrong as a mom that I can't even
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remember that I ordered the same thing like mind you I ordered the same thing and the packages came and I was like who did this
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it was me and so like that moment of like here's his random finger talking about it,
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oh thank goodness it's not just me I'm not doing this wrong right even those things are connecting right like we just got to get creative with it.
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Yeah connecting over those shared experiences it's really really valuable yeah absolutely and I have.
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A lot of friends who are having babies right now.
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Which is been beautiful to witness and I also recognize my own limitations as someone who does not have children yet in.
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My ability to relate to them and so I see them wanting to seek out friendships with people who also have kids and I'm like yes.
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That just seems like it's so necessary for someone who truly understands this very unique life-altering.
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Experience to be able to connect over that it just seems profoundly important.
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Yeah but I also want to say that friendship with you is also important to as a person who knew them before motherhood yeah because as much as I love me some mom friend that talked a lot about my own parents are important
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I think sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in the kid peace like how about the kids and what's happening this and this routine and they're in this sport in it and sometimes you need the friend that is like.
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Hey Veronica didn't didn't you say that you wanted to go back for your doctorate or didn't you say that you wanted to do this or you need those friends that not too much that are holding you to like what you said before but it's like reminding you of.
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Oh yeah this is nice to sit down and not have to talk about me or these kids it's nice to have someone check in with me about me and so having that balance of those people can be.
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Healing itself too so don't only have Mom friends also have.
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Friends of all capacities to apparently definitely and what you just said actually is the perfect segue to something else that I really want to talk to you about and that's about with being a mother that
00:20:36.401 --> 00:20:39.672
is a very all-consuming roll it can be.
00:20:39.867 --> 00:20:46.891
And I want to talk about ways that Mother's probably particularly new mothers because they're just starting off in that Journey.
00:20:47.366 --> 00:20:55.507
Can still make space for themselves and still feel connected to themselves while they're navigating this new chapter in.
00:20:55.720 --> 00:21:01.799
Life it just seems like that what you said about.
00:21:02.012 --> 00:21:16.221
Kind of getting lost in the mom World getting lost in what's going on with the kids seems like a really big challenge how can moms still create space for themselves and still feel like themselves or feel like they're in touch with themselves while.
00:21:16.263 --> 00:21:17.220
Being a mother.
00:21:17.892 --> 00:21:27.717
You definitely going to have to make the tag but let me clarify on this timepiece yeah so you become a mom right you birth this beautiful child and what we don't realize that we also burped.
00:21:27.885 --> 00:21:38.916
Is guilt his mom guilt just kind of comes out in this in this life and what that Mom guilt kind of does is like anytime you try to do anything outside of motherhood.
00:21:39.507 --> 00:21:40.761
That weighs kicks in.
00:21:41.010 --> 00:21:50.231
It's like shouldn't change be with your kid right now even if it's not even your voice we hear that from society we hear that from our own expectations of how would be as mothers.
00:21:50.364 --> 00:21:52.977
And so that little voice is saying like.
00:21:53.181 --> 00:22:05.958
Wait what do you mean you'll get your nails done what do you mean you're going to go hang out and do this what do you mean you're going to record a podcast episode a up your kids a little bit later today all right like what is this little guilt voice right there.
00:22:06.406 --> 00:22:07.624
00:22:08.548 --> 00:22:18.030
As a parent I want to acknowledge that that voice is going to be there I I wish I had the magic formula of like how to cure it I think we can lessen it.
00:22:18.442 --> 00:22:27.744
Right I think we can do different things to not follow what that voice is saying right so I gave the example about the
00:22:27.579 --> 00:22:38.736
podcast episode that's me y'all today you know I'm beginning my kids a little bit later and that's okay because I love one hand girl moment but also to like
00:22:38.688 --> 00:22:43.534
I love this I love this work and this fulfills me this fulfills my cup of bronica.
00:22:44.044 --> 00:22:54.040
And so even though my mom got voices there right I have learned to really okay identify that it's there but what behavior is going to.
00:22:54.442 --> 00:23:00.359
Get me closer to who I want to be and what I how do I want to show up as Veronica so.
00:23:00.932 --> 00:23:07.156
Voice there this I want to I want to have this episode and I wanted to talk about this
00:23:07.153 --> 00:23:11.738
and I'm going to enjoy it and love it and what's going to happen is that.
00:23:11.780 --> 00:23:20.245
I pick up my kids won't Wonder going to get a Happy Mama and to we're going to go pick up their favorite food through drive-through who doesn't love french fries like
00:23:20.125 --> 00:23:23.621
well maybe some people don't but my kids loved it right and
00:23:23.555 --> 00:23:33.920
how I show up as totally different sometimes we do have to trick our brain into saying like oh yeah you went to go get your nails done you want to go get your hair done you know like that fulfills you and then.
00:23:34.151 --> 00:23:38.358
What happened is you're challenging that guilt voice right that guilt boy said.
00:23:38.553 --> 00:23:48.800
Your baby's going to really struggle when you're gone right they're not gonna know who you are because that voice people do really here at that intense late right and to maybe we will for mothers there like.
00:23:48.978 --> 00:23:59.306
What are you talking about like your kid will be fine for the 45 minutes that you go and do that but to a mom that feet that voice you believe what that voice is telling you and so you say you know what I can't.
00:23:59.699 --> 00:24:02.700
I can't go and get my nails done or no you know I can't do this.
00:24:03.255 --> 00:24:11.774
And so when you challenge it hand sweaty now I'm talking about all these symptoms that you may feel because that's really what comes up sometimes it's like you feel like you're.
00:24:12.059 --> 00:24:13.971
Going against what.
00:24:15.012 --> 00:24:24.089
You should be doing as a mother right and so my encouragement is do it anyway we got to start with small steps I didn't get to this podcast.
00:24:24.347 --> 00:24:29.743
I'm the example that I gave of me back when I first started as a mom it really did have to be.
00:24:29.857 --> 00:24:36.341
Small steps of actually you know what I'm going to leave the baby with you honey so that I can go for a walk.
00:24:36.654 --> 00:24:46.586
And I'm going to come back and you're going to say the baby was fine and then I move that okay one coin in the guilt voice wasn't right yeah and then you just keep doing it.
00:24:46.754 --> 00:24:54.490
Slowly and slowly and that's how we go right and I gave the example of doing nails.
00:24:54.622 --> 00:25:06.211
You can get me to miss my hair appointment to save my life y'all Thanks goes He thing of who I am as a mother okay look at these kids and my gray hair is everywhere but it took what get there right and so
00:25:06.181 --> 00:25:09.848
forgot to fill into that little can of challenging that voice.
00:25:09.881 --> 00:25:21.038
That's beautiful yeah those little reinforcements that remind you that it's okay to do things for yourself and that the the kids are okay to and building upon those little reinforcements I love that example.
00:25:21.206 --> 00:25:26.529
We talked a little bit earlier about the mental physical.
00:25:26.724 --> 00:25:40.420
Emotional load that motherhood can bring on I would love to talk about maybe some strategies that people can use if they are feeling that strategies they can use to to mitigate some of that whether they find themselves being.
00:25:40.534 --> 00:25:51.528
Maybe the default parent or whether they find themselves in the household carrying most of the load and feeling the toll of that can we talk about some ways that.
00:25:51.606 --> 00:26:01.260
We can mitigate those feelings if we are feeling that pressure well if you're feeling it that is probably true first we gotta not dismiss it and oftentimes as mother
00:26:01.185 --> 00:26:14.097
I don't even just smother just as people we dismissed the feeling that were having like it's not that big of a deal like just you're just making a big deal out of this and that's not the case so one if you're feeling that it's probably there okay.
00:26:14.562 --> 00:26:16.104
And then the other thing is
00:26:15.958 --> 00:26:29.680
there's a book called fair play by E Brodsky she did the work for you y'all can look on this Google this but she even has these cards of all the different things that we do as parents yeah like the things that you don't think about because.
00:26:29.911 --> 00:26:43.471
Truly and I don't know if anyone has ever done this but a Time audit of the things that they do right like literally you write down everything that you do like every minute it's very tedious I don't recommend it in terms of like tediousness but.
00:26:43.694 --> 00:26:50.538
It can be helpful to really acknowledge a lot of the things you do right because to be honest
00:26:50.427 --> 00:27:04.987
again we dismiss even the small things that we do we're like oh it only takes two minutes to put things in the wash right that adds to the mental load as a mom you have to make sure my kids have all the things they need Camp oh I just washed the dishes or wash the things that they needed or
00:27:04.876 --> 00:27:09.956
it wasn't that big a deal I had to wash them anyway right or I you know they're having
00:27:09.908 --> 00:27:17.887
Easter events coming up and they need these things oh it's okay I was going to go to the Target either way like I needed to pick that stuff up anyways.
00:27:18.037 --> 00:27:24.900
That adds to the time to look there are small things that add to it that you don't realize play a toll on you and so
00:27:24.861 --> 00:27:32.507
when I'm talking about Ruby Frosty she has these amazing cards that really detail all the things that we do and if you have a partner or
00:27:32.369 --> 00:27:39.988
not right it gives an idea for you to really truly come to an honest realization of all that you do like
00:27:39.877 --> 00:27:43.237
semental loader there and this is why because you're doing all these things.
00:27:43.712 --> 00:27:51.744
And she has developed it into a game right because you know we got to make it fun we're gonna make a fun y'all tired as.
00:27:51.823 --> 00:28:04.672
Like how can we have these conversations of the things that are important to me and me as a mom and then also for example like to my husband right like what other things are important what are the things that need to get done we need to have this done.
00:28:05.101 --> 00:28:10.163
A lot of the loads sometimes that mothers have especially at the default parent is that.
00:28:10.385 --> 00:28:22.739
You're doing it all because everything seems important and I'm not saying that there are not a lot of important things there are important things however not everything is and sometimes we find ourselves doing things.
00:28:22.863 --> 00:28:30.355
That are not that are not even important to us but we do them because we think that were expected to do them and so
00:28:30.343 --> 00:28:40.654
I named that resources because for me it was very helpful I remember when I read her book early on in mother had like oh cool thank you one for doing the work for me because.
00:28:40.993 --> 00:28:48.126
I didn't even realize I was doing all this work and then to was an opportunity to have a conversation with my partner like.
00:28:48.285 --> 00:28:54.598
Hey hon these are all the cars that I'm holding like to you see all these cards I'm tired.
00:28:54.776 --> 00:29:00.837
And I'm at a loss of how I can really move forward with the things that I need to do.
00:29:01.338 --> 00:29:15.556
And so here it is starting the conversation I'm not saying it's going to be a perfect conversation y'all let's let's be honest it's hard one on both ends it's hard to take up the cards and then it's also to give up the card so let's be honest some of us
00:29:15.337 --> 00:29:24.261
are controlling people we like things are way so low trauma response right of like wanting to do things because we're the only ones that we can count on
00:29:24.204 --> 00:29:29.788
and I don't want to burden people or I just want to make it difficult like I just want to make it easy.
00:29:30.064 --> 00:29:35.667
Hey but what happens is your shoulders are down your hat your weight is heavy.
00:29:36.285 --> 00:29:43.706
And not able to show up in the way that you want to so when you're noticing that mental load.
00:29:44.117 --> 00:29:49.206
Let's pick up that game let's have this conversation if you don't have a partner.
00:29:49.644 --> 00:30:04.402
It's okay I think it still comes to this point of view acknowledging what are the things that maybe you need support from maybe there's things that you need to Outsource maybe there's things that you need to drop is this how you want to live your life with this happiness and most of the time the answer is no.
00:30:04.723 --> 00:30:10.127
Most of the time it's learning how to give up some of those cards or.
00:30:11.619 --> 00:30:19.796
Making peace with not doing some of those cartons and and having that Frank conversation with yourself of like what's important and what's not.
00:30:20.459 --> 00:30:29.365
That is so helpful we're absolutely going to link to that in the show notes so that people could find the book and the car it's because oftentimes I think a lot of.
00:30:29.758 --> 00:30:37.647
You just tasks and things that weigh on us kind of live in our head and were able to tangibly see it whether it's a glist.
00:30:37.743 --> 00:30:45.596
A card whatever tangibly be like these are all the things swimming around in my brain right now that I'm carrying and we can figure out.
00:30:45.918 --> 00:30:50.241
Like you said does this really matter or can I get help with this.
00:30:50.329 --> 00:30:57.848
Even the act of doing that and just seeing it all laid out sounds like a relief when it's not just living in our heads
00:30:57.593 --> 00:31:15.736
we got to get out of head see a house that's a big thing I'm a big paper and pal kind of gal but even better if someone else doesn't work for me so I cannot less work for me to do yes exactly exactly and even help us recall some of the things that we may not consider those things that you're automatically doing all day that have you exhausted that you may not even
00:31:15.733 --> 00:31:20.885
think to recall I agree we need to help absolutely so
00:31:20.855 --> 00:31:35.694
kind of as we wrap up here I would just love to learn where people can find you how they can work with you either if they're in Los Angeles or not to get more support and of on their Journey as they're navigating motherhood.
00:31:37.257 --> 00:31:46.767
Well I am on Instagram and on Tik-Tok sharing all the topics that come up so relevant and in therapy and
00:31:46.647 --> 00:31:49.080
this the more personal things of like
00:31:49.005 --> 00:31:57.371
hey showing up as we are and like how do I navigate things as a therapist and a mom I think a lot of people think what because you're a therapist.
00:31:58.080 --> 00:32:12.756
Got it together let me tell you guys that's not that's not the case of the learning experience and yet there's so much that we can learn from each other and grow in that way so on that Instagram and took that comment dr. Veronica eyo and there will be a link to my website
00:32:12.636 --> 00:32:15.547
it's just the different different things that I'm doing.
00:32:15.634 --> 00:32:23.730
Amazing I love that and I also I love what you just said about still showing up as a human even as a therapist and as a mom like.
00:32:23.934 --> 00:32:33.480
Still a human human first and having a human experience like everybody else yes so important for that because I think again the con of social media makes it seem like everything is perfect.
00:32:33.783 --> 00:32:41.429
Is not and we're all humans trying to figure it figured it all out together then Ali maybe the new makes you feel less alone.
00:32:41.561 --> 00:32:52.330
Yes the Together part is key if that's the biggest takeaway that I want anybody to have from this conversation it's figuring it out together that you're never the only person experiencing something.
00:32:52.606 --> 00:32:59.892
Whatever you're feeling you are not alone that there's somebody who can either relate or who has been there and who may have a solution.
00:33:00.042 --> 00:33:02.971
And to just remember that you're never doing it on your own.
00:33:04.913 --> 00:33:16.222
How loving and supportive is dr. Veronica I oh definitely make sure you give her a follow and we will have her information Linked In the show notes.
00:33:16.597 --> 00:33:26.350
While we're talking about navigating the journey into motherhood and that shifting identity I really wanted to talk to a new mom and get her perspective on what that has been like
00:33:26.302 --> 00:33:30.743
so please let me introduce my friend Rosalyn Davis,
00:33:30.758 --> 00:33:45.525
Rosalyn is a philanthropy professional by day and also a wellness practitioner and writer by calling she's committed to cultivating Brave spaces for connection healing and self-exploration which she does through her platform we are taking up space
00:33:45.522 --> 00:33:52.672
she is also a new mom who is currently finishing up the fourth trimester after giving birth to her first child earlier this year
00:33:52.661 --> 00:34:05.348
we sat down for an honest take on what that's been like and how she wants to build community with others who are embarking on motherhood as well as ways motherhood has unlocked new levels of creativity for her.
00:34:05.200 --> 00:34:10.480
00:34:10.323 --> 00:34:13.090
We're talking all about motherhood witch
00:34:13.051 --> 00:34:22.056
he is such a beautiful topic something that I'm excited to talk to you about because right now the time that we're recording this then.
00:34:22.242 --> 00:34:31.418
Releasing this you are rounding out your fourth trimester right you're going to be 3 months post baby girls arrival.
00:34:31.577 --> 00:34:40.195
Yeah how's that Ben how are you doing this week actually yeah it has been definitely a roller coaster
00:34:40.004 --> 00:34:52.862
like I feel like that's such like the cliche thing to say but it is also the most accurate in my experience it's been like super up and then super low so it's been all right
00:34:52.616 --> 00:35:02.809
honestly reflecting on my fourth trimester I already see some things that I'm going to do different the next time but we're here we made it.
00:35:02.950 --> 00:35:09.507
Absolutely has anything surprised you over the past few months since becoming a mom.
00:35:09.972 --> 00:35:19.598
Oh my gosh what a question honestly yes I think I kind of touched on it to second ago the fact that.
00:35:20.559 --> 00:35:24.307
I'm not beating myself up more over things that.
00:35:24.772 --> 00:35:34.569
I don't know or that we have it mailed yet I am surprised by how much like Grace I'm giving myself
00:35:34.395 --> 00:35:50.845
maybe because my daughter's middle name is Grace so I like spoke that over us before she came but I am very much someone who like I want to do the thing right I wanted to do it on time I want to do it with excellence and you know motherhood is my first time here
00:35:50.725 --> 00:35:52.115
I don't know
00:35:52.031 --> 00:36:05.186
lots of things and I am very surprised with just like how patient I've been with myself I'm like shook by how like just I'm like oh that's fine like we'll get it next time you know so that definitely has been a shock.
00:36:05.210 --> 00:36:16.961
Yeah and I'm also surprised I think how much we've been able to find our flow with ease I feel like before she came I thought.
00:36:17.246 --> 00:36:25.333
I was going to like freak out when I first drove friend my car and I was going to freak out when I was left alone with in the house with her but when
00:36:25.258 --> 00:36:30.986
those things happen it was just like oh this is like just what's happening right now wasn't this big
00:36:30.912 --> 00:36:43.815
event that I had met it was going to be it's just the thing that's happening so I think I'm surprised by how much grace I get in myself and how useful it's been to kind of take on this new identity.
00:36:44.280 --> 00:36:53.294
That's beautiful I knowing you I'm not surprised that you've been able to give yourself Grace because I think it's really a testament to the work that you do.
00:36:53.498 --> 00:37:04.133
And how you have cared for yourself particularly over the past few years I'm not surprised to hear that at all because I think you've been you've been working on that and now is has been your time to practice it.
00:37:04.535 --> 00:37:21.093
Yes thank you for saying that I mean yeah totally alien you and I are very close friends and you've seen kind of like my transition over the past couple of years and I agree I have prepared for this time like I was working on the grace thing when it came to like
00:37:20.856 --> 00:37:26.944
owning a business and then job transition and all of that did prepare me for motherhood so thank you.
00:37:27.023 --> 00:37:34.992
Absolutely absolutely so I just want like I want you to continue to carry that Grace because thank you deserve it and it's beautiful to see
00:37:34.981 --> 00:37:44.166
I appreciate that thank you absolutely so I'd also love to talk about just relationships like how,
00:37:44.190 --> 00:37:56.670
relationships have maybe changed since becoming a mother have you noticed any changes in your relationships with other people be it with your husband or with your friends or with family what's that been like.
00:37:56.694 --> 00:38:00.424
The first thing that I noticed about relationships,
00:38:00.439 --> 00:38:08.778
was that motherhood really brought me closer to what I like hadn't had contact with in a long time
00:38:08.649 --> 00:38:19.959
or people that I went to high school with and we may be like cross paths but never actually spoke before like now we're dming everyday like girl what swaddle do you have but bottles do y'all use like
00:38:19.758 --> 00:38:32.679
because the thing is crazy and we're all just trying to like figure it out together so I love that it's like brought me Community because you also know that for the past couple years I've been having just like feeling
00:38:32.559 --> 00:38:42.789
disconnected from folks that I thought were going to be around for a long time and you told him so beautiful you said that like we look different season sometimes we come apart and sometimes
00:38:42.786 --> 00:38:52.988
in the future we may come back together and that is like happening right now so I just love that it's brought committee that I've wanted for so long I did it.
00:38:52.985 --> 00:38:55.869
No it show up in this way but I need it
00:38:55.632 --> 00:39:04.592
so much so I love it it's it's done that of course it has I wouldn't say put a strain on you guys enjoy a ship but it definitely is like a new dynamic
00:39:04.373 --> 00:39:15.278
seeing him as a dad is like really fun because he's already just this big kid and then now he has an outlet in the house so I can play around and be goofy cuz I'm very much like
00:39:15.131 --> 00:39:20.472
I'm pretty serious also the time when we're at Capricorn Queen
00:39:20.316 --> 00:39:39.530
exactly I'm pretty much like routine we're going to bed dinnertime like I'm very like strict so so he has an outlet now to be as goofy self him and I only just laugh and like play all night and I'm like y'all it's my time so that is fun to see but it also has made us have to be like more intentional about how
00:39:39.383 --> 00:39:44.112
spend time together like making sure we're talking about like
00:39:44.046 --> 00:39:56.166
our individual lives and not just baby stuff all day whenever we do get to like have a few moments together talk and also I had this moment yesterday where I just realized like I cannot.
00:39:56.487 --> 00:40:07.851
Pick up and go somewhere and more like my friend invited me over to her birthday party and Tony has a game and I've kind of exhausted other things to her option for this week and I'm like.
00:40:08.757 --> 00:40:15.332
I probably can't go to this event because I have a whole child and so that was a moment that was like
00:40:15.176 --> 00:40:29.520
oh this is different now so that's also been a change my relationship to like just being able to go out and like and do things and then the last kind of like relationship piece has really been
00:40:29.355 --> 00:40:32.661
me and my mom that has been
00:40:32.595 --> 00:40:40.592
really beautiful to lean on my mom in a new way that nothing I didn't expect to
00:40:40.544 --> 00:40:43.896
because she's a grandma some lecture no things but
00:40:43.695 --> 00:40:55.698
I didn't think to like that we don't her so much and it's really cool to see my mom in this new way of her being a grandmother and just wisdom that she gave me when I was younger
00:40:55.560 --> 00:40:59.515
and me being a mother now like it just hits different I'm like
00:40:59.341 --> 00:41:06.969
you did tell me that when I was younger but now it means something else because I'm teaching it to my daughter so that has been like.
00:41:07.173 --> 00:41:12.829
Just really beautiful and also again back to the friends thing.
00:41:13.835 --> 00:41:22.813
There is this
part of me that I'm kind of having to I guess grave a little like
00:41:22.702 --> 00:41:32.490
my friends are still planning like the girls trips and you know the nights out of bar-hopping and things that I used to enjoy doing that just.
00:41:32.532 --> 00:41:38.504
All right suitable for having to breastfeed right now and snow honest is its part that's like
00:41:38.321 --> 00:41:53.376
I wish I could go and also I do love being in my bed by 10:30 so there's this like it's a back-and-forth of I'm sad and I missed that part of my life and also I like where I'm at now and I have been
00:41:53.202 --> 00:41:59.515
also surprised by the way that my friends have shown up for me those who have kids and those who don't
00:41:59.386 --> 00:42:06.672
I had this story my mind that I shared with you before that I feel like no one's there for me and like no one realizes that I'm going to be
00:42:06.471 --> 00:42:19.302
these things I need support but the support has been like amazing you I have been someone that is constantly checking on us and saying like I love you guys what do you need how can I help and that has been just like.
00:42:19.434 --> 00:42:28.385
I Can't Describe like what it means in this season where Everything feels foreign I have been blown away by like how people.
00:42:28.464 --> 00:42:36.839
Are really here in like really actually mean it hmm thank you so much for that honesty I mean the common
00:42:36.737 --> 00:42:46.471
theme those kind of inner woven in what you shared was really about community be it the community that you already had and how they're showing up and how that Dynamic is changing and then also
00:42:46.252 --> 00:42:52.763
the new communities and bonds that you're building with other new moms and what that looks like and
00:42:52.617 --> 00:43:02.612
it's just the importance of that that Village and how that Village shows up in different ways and at different points is so important
00:43:02.501 --> 00:43:08.364
but I also really appreciate how you talked about kind of that grieving process of loving where you're at
00:43:08.173 --> 00:43:19.347
and grieving not doing some of the things that you used to do and that both can be simultaneous you can you can totally feel both and that's that's normal and it's okay and I appreciate you calling that out.
00:43:19.740 --> 00:43:24.982
Thank you I want to hear one more thing about this too I made this tweet the other day and I
00:43:24.854 --> 00:43:31.806
said something like the joy of having your needs met like far outweighs
00:43:31.641 --> 00:43:38.603
the unsubstantiated like fear we have of naming our needs and I put that unsubstantiated in there because
00:43:38.429 --> 00:43:48.433
some of our fear on our needs is Justified like yes we have been that let down before guess people have not been there before but that was before that's not.
00:43:48.665 --> 00:43:55.743
Now all the time so last week I shared that I was having trouble eating as much as I need to eat
00:43:55.579 --> 00:44:05.124
to produce enough milk for Naomi I shared that and one of my friends was like I'll come over like make you some meals for this week for lunch and dinner and I was just like.
00:44:05.940 --> 00:44:09.436
Okay I was afraid to like share that.
00:44:09.892 --> 00:44:16.755
And didn't think anyone would really even say anything and even you responded to almost like I'll send you something and I was just like.
00:44:17.967 --> 00:44:31.401
Overwhelmed by like how nice it felt to have someone be like oh I can do that and I think that was the first time that I was just so blatantly like y'all I really need this thing and then like the thing happened and
00:44:31.309 --> 00:44:35.902
really emotional my God okay
00:44:35.918 --> 00:44:41.934
yeah so I think like you said the community part is really important and.
00:44:42.030 --> 00:44:56.031
Acknowledge another there and also like allowing them to be there and saying what you need from them because people are waiting to help they just need to know like what's the thing that needs to be done Mmm Yeah that's such a good point I think that that is.
00:44:56.263 --> 00:45:04.881
So relevant particularly for moms who may feel like they need to do it all themselves and even for people who aren't moms who just assumed that.
00:45:04.968 --> 00:45:14.045
People you know aren't there or are too busy or are this or that but that sometimes when people know that gives them room to show up exactly.
00:45:14.357 --> 00:45:23.930
So how about your relationship with yourself and how has that shifted over the past few months yeah I mean.
00:45:24.089 --> 00:45:40.035
To say it's non-existent with beauty as a little bit exaggerating but just a little bit exaggerating because I feel like there are only so many moments that I have that she's you know sleeping or doing her own thing and then during those moments I need to like
00:45:39.825 --> 00:45:46.669
see or take a shower or just catch my breath it's my relationship with myself has
00:45:46.549 --> 00:45:53.637
definitely changed even from just when I was pregnant and the most like
00:45:53.436 --> 00:46:08.302
the time that I favor the most is when I'm taking a shower and someone else is here I don't have to rush and like keep peeking out the shower to see if she's okay and that's the time I like I don't listen to music at this time I used to love that but now I just this is my only time it's like
00:46:08.209 --> 00:46:20.518
silent me and my thoughts so the shower has really just become like my homegirl a lot of times it is being there crying he's got to cry it out because the Day brings
00:46:20.335 --> 00:46:29.817
so many different things at the only way to let go of it is really just to release through the tear so my relationship with myself it has.
00:46:30.012 --> 00:46:38.829
Not it has been put on the back burner but it's not non-existent and I am very proud of that because I'm quick to just be like.
00:46:39.069 --> 00:46:48.686
I'll deal with my stuff later this stuff needs to happen but I noticed very quickly within like our first week of being home that if I am not like
00:46:48.656 --> 00:46:53.988
tuning into myself and what I need this is going to go downhill real real real
00:46:53.877 --> 00:47:05.592
fast so I recently got back into like reading my Bible in the morning before I start the day and listening to my worship music so that in the beginning of the day and then like the nighttime
00:47:05.400 --> 00:47:17.754
cry in the shower I think you know I'm staying afloat I'm going back to work in a couple weeks and so I'm hoping to bring some movement back into the dance at my last piece that would make the day just like.
00:47:17.904 --> 00:47:28.080
Seth kiss is like the beginning the movement in the middle of the day and the night time cry so the relationship it's a you know it needs some work but it's there.
00:47:28.356 --> 00:47:38.397
Yeah yeah I appreciate your honesty there I think our relationship with ourselves just like any other relationship also has Seasons where there's times where we are just like.
00:47:38.565 --> 00:47:41.259
So dialed in to our needs and.
00:47:41.391 --> 00:47:49.001
Your in this season were you are responsible for meeting a whole lot of the needs for like a whole nother person cuz they can't do it yet and so
00:47:48.998 --> 00:48:00.344
totally makes sense that yeah that relationship that you have with yourself is a little bit different right now or that it comes in pockets as opposed to being yes consistent throughout the day may be how it used to be
00:48:00.287 --> 00:48:03.621
yeah oh my gosh I remember when I was pregnant
00:48:03.510 --> 00:48:13.631
and I had told you that I was like feeling kind of lonely and you were like girl enjoy this lonely time because when Naomi gets here they know modak and literally like
00:48:13.439 --> 00:48:25.307
during those days the whole day was me like napping going on a walk doing a face mask getting a massage at the whole day was about me and I'm thinking for saying that because
00:48:25.133 --> 00:48:27.252
I will never get that time back
00:48:27.159 --> 00:48:36.272
so I you're right like this is a season where we do in pockets of self-care and when she's a little bit older
00:48:36.080 --> 00:48:42.790
some days they may come back they may not but the popping well now it'll come back it'll come back.
00:48:43.237 --> 00:48:48.533
To talk to you a bit about creativity because I know that you are.
00:48:48.647 --> 00:48:55.222
A very creative person you've had so many different like creative Endeavors that you do and that you're still doing.
00:48:55.354 --> 00:49:07.627
How has motherhood impacted your creativity have you found that it's given you more inspiration have you felt more creative if you felt creative and intuitive in different ways let's let's tea.
00:49:07.804 --> 00:49:16.926
I definitely have felt more creative I would say more creative and creative and different way both at the same time
00:49:16.923 --> 00:49:19.321
more creative because I feel like.
00:49:20.101 --> 00:49:27.369
Just like weight lifted like once I gave birth to her I don't know if I was maybe just the hormones I don't know but once you was here I was like
00:49:27.231 --> 00:49:38.946
oh it's time to write and create and graphics and schedule and this and that so what she was here looks like we pop in again and I think it's also because I have this new
00:49:38.907 --> 00:49:48.848
confidence of like I created a whole human being there ain't nothing that I cannot do that I cannot create that I cannot conjure up
00:49:48.656 --> 00:49:56.743
think of all of this so I'm just a little bit more fearless and what I like put out I really don't care too much about like
00:49:56.659 --> 00:50:01.046
how it performs or maybe even like
00:50:00.963 --> 00:50:08.095
not the quality but yeah I'll it forms or like that it's created perfectly I really.
00:50:08.272 --> 00:50:21.680
More Focus these days unlike the impact and how it makes people feel because I do think I'm also like this more sensitive now and so I really have been longing to like feel things I'm tired of like seeing a tick tock and I'm like.
00:50:21.857 --> 00:50:27.477
Okay that was boring or that it didn't resonate with me or like whatever so I have been more creative in like
00:50:27.357 --> 00:50:36.966
focusing on the feeling that so much of the look of things lately I think that's kind of been refreshing as someone who you know I create for a living as one of
00:50:36.945 --> 00:50:44.473
jobs and also recovering at people pleaser so I've always focused on like how it looks and how people think about it and
00:50:44.362 --> 00:50:52.107
they like it or not and I just honestly I don't care anymore it's been very liberating and also.
00:50:52.546 --> 00:51:00.479
Another side of that is I have new things to create about to talk about the mind and the soul.
00:51:00.909 --> 00:51:11.768
Transformation that happens when people become parents or become mothers or birthing people and the different like products and apps and
00:51:11.567 --> 00:51:16.179
thing that we need to take care of babies it's really exciting because
00:51:16.050 --> 00:51:29.223
I didn't I mean I saw a lot of that Instagram but it was all saying the same thing and it wasn't always things that I felt like I saw myself in that content and now that I'm on the other side of it I'm like.
00:51:29.698 --> 00:51:40.810
That it realistic like my house is probably clean one day a week There's bottles everywhere there's pacifiers there's towels and so when I'm seeing all these like curated like.
00:51:41.086 --> 00:51:44.789
Nurseries that I mean I can go on and on and on but anyways
00:51:44.687 --> 00:51:56.357
I have been really passionate about sharing what motherhood looks like from like a realistic point of view or what I think is realistic I should say as opposed to this very curated like
00:51:56.192 --> 00:52:00.101
always happy always neat clean neutral colors because that ain't
00:51:59.964 --> 00:52:11.525
that a lot of what's Happening behind the scenes so I have been also really focused on making it making it authentic and relatable and accessible because I had so
00:52:11.333 --> 00:52:26.928
many questions and things that I never heard of before body parts I didn't know did that this time I'd so many things and so I just want everyone to be like equipped for their time and not be as shook as I was when I
00:52:26.799 --> 00:52:33.068
all right here so I have felt very creative in a way of like not worrying so much about
00:52:32.939 --> 00:52:40.242
performance and more about impact and also really being a resource for folks who may want this for themselves one day
00:52:40.231 --> 00:52:47.381
yeah yeah and sharing sharing your journey while you're on it because there is so much value and just sharing your experiences and.
00:52:47.505 --> 00:52:55.411
What you're learning and going through while you're doing it I mean I think people are going to learn a lot from you which is so supremely helpful,
00:52:55.435 --> 00:53:03.153
thank you so one of the things that you mentioned earlier was you said you know that you've already learned some things
00:53:03.132 --> 00:53:15.739
that you would maybe take and apply his knowledge for next time you know whenever you know you choose for that to be what are some of the things that you've learned that you're like okay maybe next time I might do this differently or approach it differently.
00:53:16.042 --> 00:53:19.564
Yes I would definitely.
00:53:19.949 --> 00:53:28.495
Sit my ass down somewhere way sooner and for way longer okay so we took birth
00:53:28.420 --> 00:53:34.985
education classes before Naomi was here and we had a whole class on postpartum healing.
00:53:35.018 --> 00:53:52.927
And my teachers out to Amanda she said you know she doesn't want the moms to like basically leave their neighborhood for four weeks took the first week you should just be like in your bed and in the shower the second week you can be like in your moving around your room
00:53:52.717 --> 00:54:04.891
third week you can be in your apartment moving around fourth week being a be going for a walk the whole point was to not be out in the world by doing so much allowing the inside of the body to heal itself from
00:54:04.708 --> 00:54:07.780
thought from birth and
00:54:07.589 --> 00:54:17.989
I probably was like in the car three days after Naomi was born and we live on the third floor and there's no elevators here oh gosh
00:54:17.788 --> 00:54:30.448
also with context she had jaundice when she was first born with like discoloration of the skin because of the liver and so we had to keep going and get her blood test done and go to the lab and doctor's office and
00:54:30.301 --> 00:54:33.203
Tony could have gone by himself that he live in like
00:54:33.065 --> 00:54:41.899
absolutely fine but I was like no I have to go like I'm her mommy to be there and then I really have to probably not I probably could have
00:54:41.761 --> 00:54:48.462
not been going up and down the stairs three times a week and I think because I started off that way
00:54:48.423 --> 00:54:58.184
I kept up the momentum of like oh I can do things I can make my own lunch I can take a 30 minute shower and then okay now I'm.
00:54:58.388 --> 00:55:11.310
But a faint after I got the shower like I think I was doing too much too soon because I feel like I had to the first few weeks and actually I really didn't like my parents were here Tony was here I'd have to be doing all of that so I definitely would
00:55:11.262 --> 00:55:16.369
take it easy for way longer than I did because now.
00:55:16.519 --> 00:55:25.200
Where are we at 11 weeks out and now I'm kind of having like some back issues and I started like.
00:55:25.530 --> 00:55:33.950
Things are happening now that I think are because I wasn't resting then and so I definitely would do that differently
00:55:33.902 --> 00:55:37.974
that's the biggest thing honestly I think is is really using one mindful of
00:55:37.863 --> 00:55:48.831
of the rest and other than that I think calling a my community also sooner because there was a couple weeks that went by when the food thing like was it.
00:55:48.954 --> 00:55:52.540
Popping before I actually said something so I think,
00:55:52.564 --> 00:56:03.703
continuing the rest and asking for help sooner or definitely two things I learned from this postpartum that I would do wait different for the next one oh my gosh huge absolutely and
00:56:03.637 --> 00:56:08.726
those are like amazing takeaways though that I think will be so helpful
00:56:08.651 --> 00:56:19.754
I'm sure that so many people feel the same way and have done very similar things and also needed that reminder to rest and recover and receive and so.
00:56:20.003 --> 00:56:25.587
Just sharing that experience is so helpful yeah this is important time to
00:56:25.521 --> 00:56:38.811
receive like the body has gone through so much the mind so this is like the time when I would definitely encourage people to receive and if you
00:56:38.602 --> 00:56:46.490
like are feeling hesitant about reaching out to folks who said oh well I'll be there I'll cook I'll come over.
00:56:46.659 --> 00:56:51.550
Really ask them for real like they may say no when you ask but.
00:56:51.799 --> 00:56:59.580
They also might say yes and that yes it's going to be so relieving so if there's one thing that could like share from from this
00:56:59.541 --> 00:57:09.185
last 40 days is don't be afraid to like make the ask because you never know who will say yes and they make above what you were thinking they're going to do.
00:57:11.289 --> 00:57:20.294
So in last week's episode we had Miriam web who's a dietitian and nurse and Doula she just does it all and so anybody didn't listen to that episode
00:57:20.228 --> 00:57:23.985
make sure you go back and listen to last week's episode but she said presents like.
00:57:24.333 --> 00:57:30.557
Ence / presence presence like gifts because
00:57:30.437 --> 00:57:40.882
being a part of someone's Village especially when they have a new baby like truly showing up and being present in any way that you can means so much more than
00:57:40.789 --> 00:57:43.628
the material things and when she said that.
00:57:43.751 --> 00:57:51.667
It really stuck out to me because I'm always thinking like what's on the registry let me send you some boobs which is like
00:57:51.601 --> 00:57:54.656
great and also that.
00:57:54.860 --> 00:58:03.748
Other support of just being present and there and connecting is go so much further because that's what.
00:58:04.168 --> 00:58:09.915
Laughs that's what matters yes that is so true like.
00:58:09.966 --> 00:58:17.017
Because I in the beginning felt like everyone was just going on about their lives and people had forgot about me now that's like
00:58:16.816 --> 00:58:44.546
yeah oh can't go out anymore do these things and so having someone to come over and just sit with me and watch TV and take a nap with me like that just means like oh people are thinking about me like it means so much and also to the registry stuff comes in handy because I cannot tell you how many things we ordered from Target in the first week they were like oh shoot I forgot this and so your gift card came in handy like the reg the right shoe things I do matter
00:58:44.363 --> 00:58:58.824
but we could have bought that ourselves but I cannot buy company I cannot by knowing that I'm on someone's mind so that present that is so important she was spot-on with that mmm you just said I can't buy someone's company I can't buy knowing that I'm on someone's mind whoo.
00:58:59.181 --> 00:59:08.942
Yeah that's a Mike Jal so good that's a bar the great Billy but it's true it's so true.
00:59:09.471 --> 00:59:12.030
It's a true that was so good.
00:59:12.306 --> 00:59:20.960
Thank you for that yes of course is there anything else that you wish you would have known kind of going into motherhood
00:59:20.958 --> 00:59:27.622
so far I mean there's always so much more to learn but yeah oh my gosh I.
00:59:28.339 --> 00:59:31.853
Wish I would have known that.
00:59:32.003 --> 00:59:40.928
It's okay if the plan has to change specifically sticking to my birth plan it did not go the way that I.
00:59:41.105 --> 00:59:46.770
I thought it was going to go and I think because I had consumed
00:59:46.641 --> 00:59:55.412
so much online around what types of birth are most empowering and what types of birth
00:59:55.274 --> 01:00:04.919
strong people have and what types of birth conscious people have I was going to have one of those and when.
01:00:05.168 --> 01:00:13.353
You know the emergency came in a plan to change their wives a little bit of the point like I'm not going to be a good mom because now I have to birth
01:00:13.135 --> 01:00:23.445
this way or now I'm not going to have like a spiritual experience because I have to do it this different way and that is not the case.
01:00:23.748 --> 01:00:36.508
Birth however it happens is a spiritual experience like literally however it happened it's a miracle in itself let's just like start there and so and I think that lesson is continued
01:00:36.415 --> 01:00:39.928
as she's grown with just everything that comes with
01:00:39.898 --> 01:00:50.794
raising a new human I would still have known that it's okay to change the plan and that doesn't make me less of a like loving
01:00:50.782 --> 01:00:54.449
parent yeah cuz the plans with the newborn,
01:00:54.455 --> 01:01:04.298
there is they are no plant is always be changing and so I wish I would have known that before going into like our birth night but.
01:01:04.493 --> 01:01:08.024
It's I've deaf-blind carried it with me these past three months so.
01:01:08.517 --> 01:01:20.924
Yeah that's beautiful and even though you didn't know that at that time you know it now and you're acting on it like you have pivoted so beautifully I don't know anything about parenting but from what I've seen it.
01:01:20.958 --> 01:01:26.128
Seems like parenting is a series of pivots you're constantly pivoting around this little person
01:01:25.990 --> 01:01:40.190
I just figure it out together and you've done that literally whatever they want you think one thing and I think something else you gotta just see it's yeah it is it's a series of meeting in the middle and being flexible is like
01:01:40.187 --> 01:01:44.898
all it is yeah yeah yeah that's so good.
01:01:45.048 --> 01:01:52.649
So Rosalyn what are you looking forward to next what's for you personally yeah as a mother both
01:01:52.565 --> 01:02:01.795
personally I am looking forward to getting back to work and I had a little mom guilt around that
01:02:01.747 --> 01:02:16.109
before cause I'm like I she wanted to help my daughter and I do I love her she's great and I also miss my job I love what I do we do like like world-changing things there I miss it so much and I also miss my bike
01:02:16.061 --> 01:02:27.506
my creative business I'm taking up space we are like logic our podcast this year and having some in-person events in the summer so I'm excited to get back to
01:02:27.377 --> 01:02:36.201
work yes and and sharing my gift again like I really during this time off of work I've really,
01:02:36.217 --> 01:02:43.682
notice that like my gift is really to like love on people and encourage them and I'm going to like
01:02:43.482 --> 01:03:02.542
re-emerge and not be ashamed of that gift and start sharing again like the breath work and coaching and Consulting and all that and decided to just be doing the damn thing again that's beautiful I'm excited for you to do that because seeing you show up in your gifts and that way it's just so magical and you're so good at it.
01:03:02.593 --> 01:03:10.644
Thank you thank you yeah I receive that it's true and what are you looking forward to next in terms of motherhood,
01:03:10.659 --> 01:03:22.950
in terms of my head I am looking forward to the summer with Naomi like she is really funny and she has such a personality so I can't wait to see it like develop more as where
01:03:22.714 --> 01:03:33.105
our picnics and we're going to the beach and stuff looking forward to that and also I'm traveling with her we are going to visit my parents in July
01:03:32.877 --> 01:03:39.956
and seeing what it's like to travel with a newborn that's going to be exciting
01:03:39.737 --> 01:03:43.647
and is learning her like learning her personality and kind of
01:03:43.392 --> 01:03:51.884
keeping my eye on what her interests might be I'm just excited to learn her honestly it's everyday something new and it's so much fun
01:03:51.818 --> 01:03:56.430
that sounds like so much fun just getting to know her more and more each day yeah.
01:03:56.580 --> 01:04:07.548
So Rosalyn how can our audience keep in touch with you how can they find you if they're am a new mom and they're also interested in community like how can they get in on that with you
01:04:07.527 --> 01:04:18.368
oh yeah I am starting a new mom community so they'll be out by the time this comes out you can get in touch with me on Instagram ID
01:04:18.221 --> 01:04:21.789
Soulful guide underscore
01:04:21.660 --> 01:04:34.743
and from there you can visit my website Roslyn Tim Davis.com where I have a newsletter I showed you know Proms and things that I'm loving currently more details about the Hmong Community will be on there as well
01:04:34.723 --> 01:04:42.341
amazing will have all of that link in the show notes so that you can check it out to Rosalind thank you so much for being here.
01:04:42.510 --> 01:04:46.627
Thank you so much for having me this great I love you I love you.
01:04:46.480 --> 01:04:51.760
01:04:51.602 --> 01:05:00.832
Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode I hope you appreciated hearing from our amazing guest dr. Veronica IO and Rosalyn Davis
01:05:00.820 --> 01:05:07.665
now make sure both of their information will be linked in the show notes so you can keep in touch with them and join their communities.
01:05:07.788 --> 01:05:18.198
For extended show notes and full transcripts of today's episode head to balance Blackwell.com and make sure you're subscribed on your favorite podcasting app so you never miss an episode
01:05:18.114 --> 01:05:22.717
huge thanks to our sponsors for supporting the show and to you for tuning in.
01:05:22.894 --> 01:05:36.463
Next week we're talking to two of my favorite podcasters Erica and Mila from good moms bad choices and we're talking about dating building businesses and creating space for self-care while raising humans.
01:05:36.559 --> 01:05:42.468
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