Episode 87: How to Have Laser Focus and Cultivate Ancestral Healing with Juliet C. Obodo

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thank you for joining me for this week's episode of balanced black girl podcast my name is les i am your host and i am honored to be sharing this space with you today and in addition to that i'm also just really excited to bring you today's episode because it's just

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cool

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we just talked about some really cool stuff today and i cannot wait to share it with you today's guest is juliette abodo who is a master hypnotherapist and nlp master practitioner and trainer and she helps facilitate individual and corporate transformations through brain

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training

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i don't know about you but when i think of training i think about a physical experience i think about training for a race or training for sport or training for an event but i never really thought much about what training my mind could look like and through talking to juliet it opened up this entire world of really understanding how powerful our minds are for helping us heal for helping us have better relationships and for helping us create the lives that we want to live without burnout juliet is a freaking genius she knows her stuff in addition to being a master hypnotherapist and nlp practitioner she's currently studying for her phd in clinical psychology and runs a multiple six figure business and is a master at knowing how to do these things without burning out yeah exactly the kind of person who i'm trying to learn tips from so please join me in welcoming juliet to the show if you don't already please make sure that you have like your notes app you got a pen you got a piece of paper because she drops so many incredible gems i know you're gonna want to take some notes and you're gonna want to refer back so let's jump into the interview

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juliet welcome to balanced black girl thank you so much for joining us and

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holding space with us today thank you for having me i'm really excited to chat with you

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definitely well i'm excited to have you here so i cannot wait to talk to you about all things ancestral healing brain training habits hypnosis things that i geek out over but still have a lot to learn about that you're really brilliant in but before we go there i would love to hear more of your story so how were you introduced to the world of brain training and hypnosis

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so it's it's kind of it's not even like a straight line it's kind of like a squiggly line with my relationship with hypnosis i actually was the first time was hypnotized was to help me deal with a breakup and because prior to that in high school in college i would always like spiral after a breakup and so it would affect my grades or like anything that i would do and with hypnosis i was able to manage this breakup and because i i was in corporate and so i knew like i couldn't get bad grades in corporate you just get fired so i said i have to do something about this and for some reason i stumbled on to a hypnotherapist in new york and i went to her and she helped me start to fix like the way that i quote and the way that i release people from my life and then flash forward to like a year two years later i had another breakup and it was fine i was like oh wow that actually worked because i forgot about it after the session and then i did nlp for sales so using just the subconscious to help you stay motivated help you hit your sales goals and so i basically dabbled but then when i left corporate and started my two businesses and i was doing really well and i was making the money and i kept it was always like i kept waiting for the happiness to come like if i hit this goal if i got this client if i did this once i go on this trip once i do this once i it was always something and then i was just like i became tired like that was essentially burnout you keep going until you've Feel better, but the feeling better doesn't come because you actually have to stop. And so I joined a program and in the program, those are hypnosis audio. And so I was used to get it in person session. So I didn't really think an audio would be as powerful but as it was, but it helped me really do some real deep inner child work and get the happiness that I was looking for, which was within me all along.

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Oh, my goodness. I mean, even just that short synopsis, which I'm sure is still only part of your story is incredible. There's so many things in there that I know I could relate to hearing right off the bat that I want to get into a little bit more. So first, you mentioned NLP, what does NLP stand for?

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Sure. It's neuro linguistic programming. So programming of the mind with language. Cool.

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Is hypnosis considered a form of NLP? Or are they different?

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They're different. But using a combination of the two is a very powerful transformation. So for me a lot, I'm shifting into more conversational hypnosis. So my clients are getting shifts as we are having this conversation. And depending on the language that I use, the lightbulb moments happen for them, which make it more powerful than someone else saying it to you. Yeah, when it when you say it to you. Wow. That is so cool.

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So so cool.

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Yeah, it's, it's really amazing. Because you know, how, you know, rocks, words are cutting, but they can also be healing. Mm hmm. Yeah, absolutely.

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One of the other things that you mentioned, when you were working with your first hypnotherapist was that you really started diving into fix how you cope and how you release to people. Is that something that you've seen be common that a lot of folks need to work through is figuring out how we have those healthy coping mechanisms and how we release people situations? Is that common?

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Yes, 100%, because we, based on especially with America and North American society, it's a guilt based system. So there's guilt around failure. Because we don't really understand the true concept of failure. We think quitting equals failure. And so when we're stuck in a relationship that we're not happy with, or we're stuck in a job, we're not happy with what we're not feeling good. Physically, we always put the blame on ourselves and say, Alright, you if we leave this situation, if we try to change the situation, that means that we failed, because we quit. That's so true.

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What also came up for me, as you were saying, that was thinking about the idea of longevity versus quality, like how we put on a pedestal, maybe these long relationships or having long tenure at a job or in a company, but it's like, well, what was the quality like there? How many of those years were actually good?

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Exactly, exactly. People hold on to like childhood friendships like, yeah, this is my friend for 20 years. It's like, Okay, so what happened those 20 years, that 20 year frenemy, there's no benefit to that, and, and then also, as a millennial, you kind of tried to fight the stereotype of lazy or spoiled or you're quitting. So you try not to take the path of least resistance. Because we have this idea that we often take that but for millennials and Gen Z, that's actually the opposite, we often make it more difficult than it needs to be that hits

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that is very relatable.

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So I would love to talk more about some of the common themes that you see with people that you work with when it comes to ways that we can kind of retrain our brains. Is it like inner child work, limiting beliefs, unconscious thoughts, like for a lot of us who are just kind of navigating daily life here in the US black women? What are some of the common areas that you see an opportunity to retrain the way we think?

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So just the wit how you feel, you can start with your weight waking up as soon as you open your eyes. Think about 123 things that you really want to happen that day. And then expect them to happen. Look forward to them happening. Don't worry about them not happening. Just look forward to them happening. And, and so if you've trained your brain that way, first thing in the morning, you'll always wake up on the right side of the bed, because you'll start to see that a lot of things. And I know this is very difficult because to be a black woman in America, and deal and sometimes you're not, because you're not responsible for how people treat you, you know, especially when it comes to race and gender. But you can be responsible to how you respond. Because I actually saw, I don't know, it's so interesting that I wasn't forced to similar situations. And the way that I responded, really changed the meaning of what happened in that situation. And it was something that had to do it race, and gender. And so once I saw that my response really helped my life. It was it because I feel like we always kind of have this need to represent the black community, no matter where we go, like I went to boarding school, and I was like, the only black girl in my class. So I literally represented the entire diaspora. I know about the Caribbean. Africa I know about, it's like, I was always like, I was the go to for Black History Month. So I always felt this responsibility to represent with black community wherever I went. And so every time something happened, I needed to make sure that they weren't disrespecting me or the black community. But then, when I released myself from that kind of responsibility, almost like thinking about Hmm, how is this going to affect my day? How is this going to affect really my life as an individual, and that released a lot of burden and a lot of stress, and also helped me kind of go back to my true identity, not with the labels that people give me or the demographic that people try to put me in. And so once I regain that freedom, I'm better able to help my community versus trying to just be representative. But because I'm able to maintain my health, my mental, emotional, physical health, I'm able to actually do things that actually helped the community versus things that I thought were important. Was that but I think I just went off on a tangent, but

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okay, no, it was great. No, that was great. Because I think especially over the past, you know, six to eight months or so, in our community, a lot of us have been put in that position where one day, we're living our lives. And the next day, we're expected to be everyone's kind of an educator.

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So when you wake up, and you start your day, think about what you want you your being. And this is not what black women should want, or what black millennials should want, or black feminists should want what you want to happen today. That's free, and it's only for you, and then you could go about working for other people. But name those three things that you want for yourself to happen that day.

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Yeah. And I loved what you said, when you first describe that exercise about naming, you know, 123 things that you look forward to them happening, almost not thinking as if I hope they happen, but like looking forward to them happening or not thinking that they can't happen in terms of our brains power to create those things, or to create scenarios that we want to happen based off of our thoughts like how much power do we have to do that actually

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have a lot of power to do that. And it's really based on science, because your brain is, is controlled your results 90 over 95% of the results that you have in your life right now are subconscious. So all the decisions that you make, the actions you take, they're there, they're automatic, your gut instincts, your gut reactions. And so this is what determines the results that you have. And now so when you're able to train your brain and program your subconscious, releasing any limitations, and setting it essentially the inner GPS for a destination that you truly want to go, then you will get there. It will happen you'll take the right right turn you'll take the right path to get to that destination. Because you set your inner GPS system to do that, to guide you, and a lot of people feel like it's a matter of worthiness, it's a matter of positive vibes or high vibes. It's really a matter of expectation. You get what you expect. Love that,

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you get what you expect. And for someone who may be struggling with releasing those limitations, what do you recommend they do to work through

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those blocks.

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So first thing you can do is try to find someone that you can relate to that is in a position that you want to be if you can't find them, now set the intention to get this person because there there is definitely someone, one person that is where you want to be that similar to you. And then to what you think about what you want, right? And you think of reason, ask yourself, why can't I have this? What's blocking me from having this and write down the list of those things? And then when you look down at the list of things, you kind of look sees kind of BS? You feel like this is actually not true? What? What do you mean, I can't go to buy every because I did lose weight? That doesn't what like, are they gonna kick me off the plane? Sorry, ma'am. You're five pounds over? No, like, you could still go to Miami if you lose the weight. So clearly, that was something that was personal personnel here. So you know, it was just like, I do this exercises like, What do you mean? Like, Oh, I can't launch because I don't have like ebook cover, like what that does. Okay, so what can you do to get the ebook cover, so really takes you out of your head, because these thoughts are cycling through your mind and creating the results that confirming that you can't have this thing. Because once again, your subconscious is responsible for over 95% of your reality in your life. And it's based on the thoughts that you have that circle through your mind. And because you have these thoughts, you have certain emotions, and then you act out of those emotions. So your emotions determine your behavior, your detect your behavior determines your results. But it all is tied to your identity and your belief system. So if you believe you can't have that, then you're going to feel bad about it, and that you're never going to try and then what you don't have it. I'm just like,

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Mind blown, especially around the fact that 95% of our results is from our subconscious, because I think, unless you're really in tune and aware of what's happening with your subconscious, I feel like it can kind of lead you any which way that could be the wrong direction. And you wouldn't even know it.

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Exactly, yeah. And like you can see, because also within my practice, I do something called releasing racial biases. So if you look at these videos of people, they people call Karen's them going off, right? flipping out using the N word saying all this hateful stuff. And then you go back to them. And they really look. Like I said that, like you could show the video, they're like, I can't believe I said that. Because so consciously that's what you've been thinking and holding on to and those beliefs. So consciously, you've been acting a certain way, subconsciously, you've had these reliefs that you felt this way, and it was erupted from there. And you could also see when people say, you really get to know people when you travel with them, and when you eat with them, or when they're sick. Because that's what we have less control, conscious control over what we say or do. Wow, that is really incredible.

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So I would also love to talk a little bit about how either our subconscious thoughts or or these different kind of patterns and brain waves that we have also affect how we feel physically like is there a connection between either our physical health how we feel physically how we feel in our bodies and what's happening in our subconscious?

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Yes, yes. Especially for black women. We're oftentimes always thinking in in beta waves, so beta waves is you're active. You're always active. You're you're thinking you might people might call you overthinking You might have been diagnosed with ADHD, I noticed a lot of my black clients or brown clients, when they come in their therapists or psychiatrists will try to kind of also diagnose them as bipolar, because they will have like moments of really, you know, high energy and then they will crash. But essentially, it was really burnout. Because their brainwaves were always in a constant state of beta. So even when you try to take melatonin, or you try to take sleeping pills, and it puts you to sleep, your brain, you fell asleep in beta brainwave state, and you're get less rest, and your brain doesn't get time to rest. And so you do it all over again. And so after a while, you get irritable after a while you get tired and just exhausted, and then it puts you into a depression because you're so tired and exhausted and arable, that you push people away, or you lose clients, or you don't get that promotion at work, because people are like, she's always grouchy. Or she doesn't really or she's not paying attention, or she's not focusing. So then you start to spiral. And so, and this all links back to you just being in a certain brainwave state consistently or too much.

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Wow, that is incredible. And also very relatable. I'm like, I think I've, I feel like I've been there before. So how did we get into this state of thinking in beta waves? And how do we overcome it? You know, I

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don't want to blame everything on technology, but technology has you assessable at all times. Yeah. And so depending on if you have responsibilities, people depending on you, you want to be entertained, you want this or that, you're going to have to log in, right. And so when you're logged in, you're on, you're in a high brainwave state beta. So in order to start to, to basically, get out of that you have to unplug, you have to step away from the phone, the internet, anything, at least two hours before bedtime, and look at old photos, read, read a book, exercise, just chat with a friend, even on the phone, not zoom just on the phone, chat with a friend on the phone, or in person if you if you're you live with someone. So this helps you get out of beta. And then soon, you'll be easily able to go into beta and then alpha and then you can go to sleep easily and actually get rest.

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Amazing. And is there kind of a, I guess a balance throughout the day of when we should be in these different brain waves? Like is it good to be in beta, maybe when we're working or analyzing but we want to work towards, you know, alpha as we're trying to wind down like, is there good times to be in these different states?

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Yes. Yes. Great question. So for me what so I have a subliminal bundle. So I have a daytime subliminal and a nighttime supplement to help basically, shift your brainwaves. This is something that you can actively do yet. So with the daytime subliminal well with the morning meditation, that immediately puts you into beta. So you wake up, it's like your morning coffee. And then during the day, when you're ready to get to work you put on the daytime summit subliminal, and it actually takes you into beta state, intense focus. So there's no distraction. And there's also no side effects. Because if you're someone like me, who was diagnosed with ADHD, and you took the medication, so either you would get so you could focus but they end up focusing on the wrong thing, and that you get a stomach ache and you're hungry or you're not hungry. So with daytime subliminal, you're put into space to speak for. So you could do it for three to four hours, actually get your work done. And after you turn it off, you feel good, you don't feel bad, and you've got the necessary amount of work done. And then you do the hypnosis audio to help you get into alpha state. So you're relaxing, you start to focus on the things that you want for the next day. And then overnight, you actually go into delta. So this keeps your brain at Delta, so you can get the best sleep. So I only sleep six and a half hours a night. People are like you're always up like Aren't you like asleep person? I suppose. I'm like yeah, I only need six and a half a half hours because their quality six and a half hours.

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yeah wow that is so cool so for those bundles like is that something that we're able to purchase from you or find on your website like how can we do that

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oh oh yes yeah so i have the brain train bundles i have it for different different goals so and i actually have a 12 month path now so you can actually get different sets so depending on whatever goal you want so if it's more sleep more money focus fitness trading even quantum trading for every day traders as clients now so those are so i created those little sets that you can get on the website

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so cool we'll make sure we link them in the show notes so that folks can check them out because that sounds amazing

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yeah it's and then it helps you to because then you start to build more trust in your brain and yourself yeah so i used to for me i had a special combination to be able to go sleep it had to be like one and a half glasses of wine an edible and a sleeping pill and then when i didn't if i forgot to refill that i would spiral i would feel out of control but now it's like oh even if i forget to turn my supplemental on my brain is so used to it now

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so cool that's so incredibly powerful

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yeah i feel like we need to shift into getting back our power that's your true power that mental freedom

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for sure for sure that's amazing so i would love to talk more about hypnosis itself because it's one of those things that many people don't know about and i will admit like it's me i'm many people not really understanding fully how it works and and how as a tool it can help us kind of return home to ourselves and i also think when it comes to things like hypnosis in our community it's just not something that we're really exposed to you and there probably is a great deal of skepticism of like what does that mean are you going to try and control my mind like what does that look like am i you know participating in some wild so i think it would be incredible if we can talk more about hypnotherapy or if you're comfortable also sharing some of your experiences and around practical applications of it and maybe doing a little mythbusting

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oh yeah definitely most definitely so i know one big thing that i get with my black clients is that is it something that's against your religion yeah because i'm christian and i actually i saw i was raised catholic and no so hypnosis is not something that is spiritual or you're not you're not praying to anyone or talking to anyone outside of yourself you're actually just talking to yourself so it's nothing that has to do with any religion is psychology and also no one can make you do something that you don't want to do because all hypnosis is self hypnosis so when you go to hypnotherapist i'm essentially just a guide because you only reason why you need a hypnotherapist is because you've been so conditioned to ignore yourself that's good yeah you've just been like you ignore yourself you ignore what you want ignore what you truly feel and kind of take in what you're supposed to do what you're supposed to who you're supposed to be like especially as black women like we have so many people telling us oh you're supposed to talk like this you're supposed to wear your hair like this you're supposed to do this you smile do this that it's like it's so the opportunity to actually hear your own voice it's like what is that that's how i sound that's me that's what i really want that's what i really believe oh okay wow so i can do that okay wow so it's a revelation so hypnosis is really just returning to yourself and clearing your mind so you can open your heart to faith and surrender

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oh i love that clearing your mind so you can open your heart to faith and surrender that's so beautiful

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thank you and it's really important for me to make sure that especially black women understand that because having black women in your corner like people target black women yeah everyone needs black woman's focus everyone needs your because it said essentially where your focus goes to is what amplifies So having black woman either outrage, scared, happy, lustful, desiring it feeling less that is, his full control is powerful because the focus and the energy is so powerful. So imagine if you turn that focus inward.

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Imagine all that you can do, how powerful you will become. Hmm, that is incredible. I love the way you just put that because we are so influential in our society. I mean, we hear it all the time, whether you see what trends are happening. Anytime there's any election, which I know, we all probably don't ever want to hear the word election again. But anytime you hear it, we hear how much we influence it and how much other people in society at large benefit from what we do and what we amplify. And so what you just shared about taking that incredible energy that we have and turning it inward. I got chills thinking about the possibility there.

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Yeah, imagine a world where black woman didn't care. If we were just like, No, no, it's fine. Y'all got it? Imagine is, like so dry. We come back. Hey, girl, look at I do for you. So so but at the same time, these people are saying pay attention to me, but you're not important. So you need to understand that it's all about power. You're so powerful, that they designed 1000s of systems to show you that you weren't. You know, it's like Yes. You see so many black women that start behind the the start line. Like they're starting in the parking lot. Maybe in the next tile over. But they still crossed that finish line. Yep.

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Oh, my goodness. So real.

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Yeah. And it's like, so important for me. And it's like, I don't for me, I don't really like being visibility wasn't something I was into, like, all my clients came to me for referral. But this year really showed me how important it is to show that this is an option. And this is a possibility and that there is a solution to whatever you're experiencing, that you feel like there's just a dark cloud when you see you feel like your future is fuzzy. There is a way to gain clarity without having to give up your soul. Yes,

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I love that.

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That's so beautiful.

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Thank you.

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And talking a little bit more about hypnosis. One of the things that you touched on earlier when you were talking about your experience with hypnotherapy was going from working with an in person practitioner to using audio. Can you tell us a bit more about that experience? Maybe for folks who are interested in hypnotherapy, but can't see someone in their area or you know, right now with the pandemic audio is probably going to be their best option. What was that experience? Like?

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Yeah, so it was very interesting, because, for me, it was. So when you design when I designed my audios, I saw like what, what she did, and what was what's important to include an audio to take you on this journey, because it's really about bringing down each layer of your mind. So you can finally get to the center. And so to do that, it's almost like you're opening each door like slowly, you know, you don't want to rush to it. So it's just as powerful as an in person session, because the power really is about you communicating with yourself.

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Yeah, I, I love this, like, unintentional theme of connecting with ourselves. Because I think it's something that is so important that we're not taught how to do and I think we can't be encouraged and reminded enough to connect with ourselves and listen to ourselves.

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Yeah. And it's like, take it from someone that has done so many things in order to get this happiness that I was searching for. And realizing that it was within me I'm in my 30s so hopefully anyone that's in their 20s listen to this, you get a head start, you know, you can start doing it now. So your 30s are super lit, but it's like it's like it took me a while to understand that but you I had to kind of experience it and be like, Okay, so that's that has given me the happiness that's given me. Like, I made multiple six figures in both businesses, my brownstone apartment in Brooklyn, you know, best my hair's together labels, all of this stuff like, Instagram is popping all this stuff going on trips, all this stuff, and I was still, I still felt empty. And the future felt so fuzzy, like, there wasn't really anything that truly made me look forward to it. And so realizing that I didn't actually need these things, or experiences, I really could just sit still and be happy. Then everything changed. Everything you realize, like, oh, what I was fighting so hard for wasn't even something I wanted. What I was so sad about wasn't is something I truly wanted. And that is freedom. So when you realize that these things that were put in your mind that you want or need, they aren't really yours. That's true freedom. And that's true happiness.

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Yes. My goodness, that is beautiful. Yes. So good.

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Because I have clients that were like me high performers. And so one always bought different courses. Like she's like, Alright, should I be a travel agent? Should I do this? Should I help with insurance? Should I help repair credit, like, she thought like this certain particular business model will get her 100k. And that will get her freedom and happiness. But working together, she realized she already had that. So she didn't need another course. Yeah.

36:59

Yeah, I think it can be so tempting to constantly look outside of ourselves for direction and for guidance and for advice and for what we should do. And because we have so much noise available to us, I mean, any piece of information is available to us. And that can be good. But it's also good to just be really centered with yourself and to understand what it is you want and what you're looking for and to not value other voices more than your own.

37:29

Exactly. And it's like, I want so many black women to have this hat get have this gift. And so that's why I'm always like, post I post every day people are like, Oh, I love your content. I'm like, great, I just want to make sure that more people, that's why I post on all these platforms. So people know because I realize it's something that isn't pushed or promoted. No one, there are no commercials for hypnotherapy. Because there are no side effects. And there's, it's like, once you kind of do it after a year, you're good. I wouldn't have clients or patients for years and years, they will essentially heal and be able to self heal and self coach after a good year. Or even less. Yeah, so it monetary Lee like that's not good, because then oh no, we can't, you know, you can't depend on me for years and years. You can't do this for years and years. So it's not profitable. So giving people their power isn't profitable.

38:37

And I think that's probably why we're not taught how to do it.

38:41

Exactly, exactly. And just I'm in grad school now for clinical psych in a is a holistic program. It's not traditional psych program, because I actually left a traditional psych program because it was just like, I had my BA in psychology and I went to school I attended, I had to talk to the statistics Professor because I said this is this book is rooted in bias. Like she's like, What do you mean? So I have to be different paragraphs, where the data was presented a certain way to give you a certain impression. And so she's like, Oh, my gosh, you're right. And so we had to switch books in like, right in the beginning of the semester. And so knowing that go ahead Yeah, yeah, so it's it's really important for me to finish my get my PhD so I could just turn around they say we don't need no just kidding. But just back and be like, see, I did it so like Look, guys, but it's it's the way that education, medicine, even psychology, has been designed has not been for our benefit. It's been for the benefit of corporations, you know, to create more workers, we need you to fix your mental health now, so you could go to work.

40:09

Yep. And more productive and do more work

40:12

and exactly, not really for you, or for you to be in relationship so you could reproduce so we can get more workers. So it's very important. I don't want to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but but if you really think about it, it's just important for you to know this as you make individual decisions. Absolutely. 100%.

40:36

And I think that's like the perfect segue into another topic that I would love to talk to you about in terms of decisions reproduction. It's around ancestral healing, especially for black people and black people in the US specifically, I mean, we have a long history of ancestral trauma. And so I would love to learn from you more about how we can incorporate more ancestral healing practices into our lives, and what the benefits could be for future generations of the the practices that we choose to do today.

41:13

Yes, so ancestral healing, the way that I kind of see it, and under my understanding of epigenetics, and how your, your genes can carry fear, can carry anger, carry sadness. And, yeah, so understanding that the feelings that you have, even though you, you may now grew up privileged, more privileged than your past generations, but you still feel this sadness, this anger, and this pain. This is why it's not you. And because it is rooted on something that is about expression. So even if it's your genetics, it's the way that the genes are expressed, right. And the genes weren't always like this. So that means they you can undo this starting with you. You can break this genetic chain, emotionally because it was it was installed into the jeans emotionally, through some some intense fear, intense strife, intense anger, and this is, you know, with epigenetics, you can look up the potato, Irish potato famine, and you can see that study how, with past generations, they end up carrying more weight on their bodies, because they're afraid that they'll go hungry. So that fear of famine, fear of not having food was passed on for generations. Wow. And then I have a client that she lives in a predominantly black area. And so she doesn't really she never really had any negative racial experiences, but for some reason she has this like, deep fear of white people. Like just fear. And we did the the session and it was actually linked to her grandmother. The fear was intense tense fear. Yeah. And and so we released it and like this intense fear kept her from like going on planes doing things traveling because she was afraid that she was going to run into white people. Wow. So it's like it was so when it affects your quality of life the fears not really worth having fear supposed to keep you safe, but not limit your life experience. Right? So we release that fear and she just traveled to California. So it's it's definitely possible and you definitely can be freed from it. So the first thing that you can do to start to unpack this is write down start with your your the top, negative emotions or emotions that limit people. Anger, what makes you angry? fear? What makes you afraid? What are you really afraid of? sadness, what makes you so sad? guilt? What makes you feel so guilty? And then when you write those things down, then on the next side, say What happened? Like what Where did this come from? Is this what experience caused this? fear, anger, sadness or guilt and then look have this experience and wonder aside is this really mine or was this something that someone in my family told me or is this something that i feel like i should feel like if it's something just like maybe a little voice in the back of your mind or something or feeling told you to have this because that's when we can that's when you can oftentimes link back that that just cloud of fear or cloud of anger that has no real substance but you can point it of course like what's happened in the past few years it's for me like for me i've been marching since like

45:44

grade school for amadou diallo like when the cops were charged like we had to go into the city and protest so for me it's i have to do this every every year or every for the past 20 years and so yes i have anger but this deep intense anger is it something that i experience or is it something that i am experiencing for the collective for my family so that is when you need to release it because it's affecting you physically and it's going to affect your children physically and this and so that's why i always get upset when people take children to protest because that anger gets locked into your identity your core and that's not something that you want you want anger to be a state that you can tap into to use wisely to use as a tool but never to be a part of you of who you are oh

46:51

my goodness i just have my mind is going like a million places at once with that

46:59

yeah it's just a lot that it's incredible

47:01

like in the best way in the best way and i love what you just said about fear anger being tools when we need them but not being locked into our identity

47:14

yes because this it limits your experience it limits your happiness like you have to remember that you are part of a collective but you are an individual being you are individual soul and you came here to experience the good things more than the bad things the bad things are things put in place to make you see how good the good the good things are they shouldn't be the main focus of your life experience and if you're listening to this podcast episode now this is a sign that you're going to be the person in your family to start this shift you're going to be able to heal the people before you and then pass on healing to people after you

48:05

yes yes

48:06

you are oh my goodness so when we sit down and we start to unpack these things of where do i feel anger where do i feel fear sadness guilt unpacking what's ours and what's not ours how do we actually release what isn't ours

48:27

so you start to with the once you do the anger less than the fearless and you identify what truly doesn't have substance or like true roots in your present day life then you can start to run kind of interviews to your with your family members ask them like was there anything experience or event that happened that created like this this flood of anger with the family flow the flood of fear and so once you get this the story behind it that's when you get the learning you understand why they held on to that anger and then you can release it you understand why they hold held on to that fear and they release it like for me so my background is nigerian and so in nigeria there's different ethnic groups and so my ethnic group is ebo and so we had a civil war where we were starved so many ebo people were starved out and so even now today you'll notice that ebo people are thicker than most africans or bigger because they hold we hold on to the weight and we hold on to everything now because we were like okay you're starting this again like what's going on so we held on to that but then we also hold on to this anger and distrust have our people. And so once I realized why just had this, I had this intense anger and distrust, like all my life, like three years old, like who are you? Like my mom, I was shady baby. And is basically linked to my great grandmother who was doing a lot of healing and all that work during the war. And so once I realized how I had this, this anger and then this compulsion to help people I was able to kind of release the compulsion release the anger and distrust and really step into myself, you know, become myself not like, just a great granddaughter or someone like this. So that helps you up. So I understood now why I had this. And because I received that understanding, I was able to release it and start the healing process. So I'm so much I'm not really as angry as I was before, like people I used to just pop off. And I would pop off a lot for for people that I felt needed my help. Yeah. Like, wow. Like, my little sister wouldn't want to tell me stuff like, like, like, yeah, they put cheese on my burger. Why? Let's burn. Okay, can we not burn down the restaurant? Like they just put cheese on? But could you relax, please. So people would want to tell me stuff because I will go from zero to 100. So now, if you were like, tell me stuff like, oh, man, you should do this. I'm like, so you don't want to burn down the restaurant? Like, Oh, no, we don't need to do that. I just check in a second. Are you sure? Okay. But that intense anger, intense distress compulsion to protect and help people that was holding me back in my present life and actually prevented me from actually helping people?

52:02

Oh, my goodness, that's so like, it just shows the power in understanding the why and unlocking the why to get our own freedom.

52:14

Yeah. So now like, I understand I have this power, I can tap into the strength back and tap into but I don't have to live like that.

52:25

Yeah, yeah. Oh, my goodness, I have chills. It's so powerful.

52:31

Yeah, it's hopefully, um, so just to kind of recap, you go through those powerful motions. Write down what makes you feel that way, like your triggers essentially, lit try to like, get to a present experience in your life. If you can't, that's where you start the family interviews. So you can uncover the reason behind these strong emotions. And that's where you can then gain the knowledge and the knowledge will allow you to release the emotion.

53:06

Amazing. Me, Zang will make sure that we also include just call outs for that in the show notes. Because I feel like that's going to be a really big game changer for for all of us who are looking to do that ancestral healing. Thank you so

53:20

much.

53:21

You're welcome. I'm, I'm happy to share.

53:25

We appreciate it.

53:29

So Julia,

53:29

how are you taking care of yourself these days? I mean, we've had, you know, the past year or so has been a wild ride for all of us. How are you staying centered and taking care?

53:42

I've, I've kind of the path. So if you asked me this, like a few months ago, I was actually piling on a lot of stuff that I shouldn't have. So in the past few weeks, I started to just kind of only accept things that I actually want to do. So that has helped me like not exert my my energy, or exert my energy worrying or resenting anything because resentment was something that if you're someone that is a recovering people pleaser, and it's hard for you to set up boundaries. That's something that you can easily shift into, and will burn you out eventually. So I started to lighten up my calendar, I started to hang out more with people that I want to be around like my nephew. I started to take a lot more walks in nature. Since you know, social justice say, we started to look for places where we can hike and just be outside. And that has really helped me keep grounded and feel like it's like I still have control over my experience. Because I think that's why a lot of people are pushing back is because they feel like just asking them to do the simple things will restrict them where they won't have any control. But I'm able to find that I have control in these other aspects of my life so I feel still feel some normal normalization or some type of normality.

55:21

Yeah, yeah. So finding ways to maintain your power even in our current reality. Exactly.

55:28

So because I know that a lot of people kind of put things on hold they're like okay, well just wait to 2021 but what if it but remember how you waited till 2020 and look what happened? So do it now feel good now? What you need to think about what you need to feel free what you need to feel good. And do it or get it or be it Yeah, yeah.

55:52

That is so good.

55:56

So Juliet, what does being a balanced black girl mean to you?

56:02

Being a balanced black girl is no way when you can say when when you should say yes to certain opportunities that scare you and no to certain opportunities that limit you.

56:21

Oh, that is good.

56:25

I was like we get my senses ready.

56:29

We could all learn

56:30

when to say yes and when to say no a valuable life skill. Juliette, thank

56:38

you so much for coming on the show today it I have like pages of notes here. All of the gems and incredible knowledge that you dropped. So thank you for sharing it. How can our audience keep in touch with you? Follow your work if they want to work with you. Where can they find you?

56:55

Sure. So I am active on Instagram Twitter, YouTube and tick tock so Tick Tock is million dollar hypnotist and YouTube and Twitter and Instagram are Juliette c abodo

57:12

mazing, we will have links to all of your platforms and your website in the show notes to make it super easy for folks to find you. Thank you so much for coming on the show today.

57:23

Thank you for having me. It was fun.