During our New Life + Creativity series, we’ve gone from fertility awareness to birth, and now we’re transitioning to talk about balancing motherhood and entrepreneurship. Our guests today are Erica and Milah, co-hosts of Good Moms, Bad Choices.
If Oprah and Howard Stern had a baby it would be Good Moms Bad Choices. Erica and Milah are uncensored and outspoken sex and cannabis-positive parents who are redefining what modern motherhood looks like. Good Moms, Bad Choices is a community and audio diary is for those who feel alone in their good and bad choices.
Tune in for a fun, candid conversation that will make you laugh and make you think.
Powered by RedCircle
We Also Talk About…
- How they juggle entrepreneurship and motherhood.
- Redefining what it means to be a “good mom.”
- What self-care looks like for them as busy moms and entrepreneurs.
- How their creative endeavors influence their parenting styles.
- Their experiences with dating as mothers.
- Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices Podcast
- Follow Erica and Milah on Instagram @goodmoms_badchoices
- Check out Good Moms, Bad Choices on Patreon
- Come to the Good Vibes Retreat in Costa Rica in July and August 2022
- Episode 134: Overcoming Mom Guilt
- OSEA | Get 10% off your first order of organic skin and body care from OSEA by using the code BBG at oseamalibu.com.
- Home Chef | Worried about what to make for dinner? Get fresh, perfectly portioned ingredients and chef-inspired recipes delivered to your door from Home Chef. For a limited time, visit www.homechef.com/balanced for 16 free meals.
Moms in Business
Erica and Milah started Good Moms, Bad Choices soon after meeting to create a safe space for candid conversations on motherhood that weren’t happening anywhere else.
Since launching the podcast in 2018, Good Moms, Bad Choices is now a thriving business and community. Building a business and raising children are challenging endeavors on their own, and doing both simultaneously takes a great deal of focus, flexibility, and grace.
Why Moms Make Great Entrepreneurs
A lot of people think that motherhood and entrepreneurship don’t mix. This is an unfortunate misconception because there are many reasons why moms make great entrepreneurs.
- Amazing problem-solving skills: On any given day, a mother is tasked with various situations that require quick-thinking and problem-solving when things don’t go to plan (which often happens with kids). This skill set is incredibly transferrable to business, especially when scenarios that require decisiveness arise.
- Being organized: When caring for children, there is a lot to keep track of. Because of this, many mothers are able to develop strong organizational skills that can also help them develop systems to run businesses efficiently.
- The ability to move between tasks: Many mothers know how to juggle multiple priorities at once and know how to get things done in limited time frames with limited resources. These skills that come with being a mom translate well into entrepreneurship when you often are responsible for various roles and tasks in the early stages of business.
- Management experience: You have experience managing other people: As a mom, you likely manage others on a regular basis — your spouse or partner, your kids, other family members like in-laws or grandparents who help out around the house and with babysitting. That experience can translate well into managing employees at work.
Balancing Motherhood and Entrepreneurship
Take Intentional Breaks from Your Business
Entrepreneurship can feel all-consuming, that’s why it’s important to take breaks when you can. This can look like setting boundaries around business hours, and not working on your business outside of those designated times or making time for yourself each day (even if it’s just 5-10 minutes of quiet time for meditation or screen-free time).
Find Friends Who Will Help You Along the Way
Support from others is one of the most valuable assets you can have. If you have friends who are also moms or entrepreneurs (or both!), they’re probably in the same boat as you are. Reach out to them for help and support. For Erica and Milah, working together and confiding in one another has helped them immensely while they build their business.
Even if you don’t have a business partner, there are other ways receive support. Whether that’s finding someone who is willing to watch your kids while you make some sales calls, or asking a friend to review your business plan for the next big project. You might even consider making a casual co-op playdate, where you can get some work done while the kids play together. Whatever you decide on, don’t be afraid to ask for help from people who understand what you’re going through.
Delegate If Possible
Take stock of your current schedule and find out what tasks on your list could be done by someone else. If you’re having trouble telling which responsibilities you can outsource and which ones you should keep, there are some simple questions that can help.
- Is this task or commitment something only I can do?
- Are my other responsibilities competing with this task for my time?
- Does this task or commitment bring me or my family joy?
- Does this task or commitment bring me closer to my goals?
- Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/balanced-black-girl/donations
- Advertising Inquiries: email@example.com
- Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Episode 135 Transcript
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:09.360
00:00:09.239 --> 00:00:12.483
Staying this podcast for almost four years.
00:00:12.624 --> 00:00:21.359
Can't believe it's been that long and we're moving through our new life series talking about fertility motherhood and birthing new ideas.
00:00:21.923 --> 00:00:34.844
So far in the series we've talked about preparing to conceive creating positive birth experiences assembling care teams finding your new identity as a parent Andre parenting yourself as an adult.
00:00:34.967 --> 00:00:37.653
Today's episode is a really fun one
00:00:37.623 --> 00:00:45.503
I joined by Erika and Mila hosts of good moms bad choices and we had such a good time recording this conversation.
00:00:45.734 --> 00:00:57.827
They're also based in La so we got to hang out in person and they have the best energy they are so kind supportive fun they are super smart business women and really dope moms.
00:00:58.382 --> 00:01:08.054
We talked about their experiences dating as single moms how they take care of themselves what it's been like building a creative business while being mothers and more.
00:01:08.438 --> 00:01:23.069
We also did a podcast swaps after you listen to this episode make sure you head over to good moms bad choices to hear my interview on their shell and add good moms bad choices to your podcast lineup if it isn't there already because it definitely should be.
00:01:23.147 --> 00:01:24.888
So let's get into the episode.
00:01:25.040 --> 00:01:30.960
00:01:30.808 --> 00:01:36.681
I'm sorry my know I love it we can just jump right in thank you for having us.
00:01:36.732 --> 00:01:41.677
Thank you for having us I know he's going to Deep dive of hinge wow I love it that's my life
00:01:41.638 --> 00:01:50.616
they added the voice now I'm like yeah I hate I hate I hate it but I love it because because of the TED Talks because it because it gives you a little bit less space to like
00:01:50.451 --> 00:02:01.743
your judgment can be more honorable more on point when you can hear the voice and what they choose to say or I could be wrong and then you're like damn this voice is sexy wait what'd you say
00:02:01.713 --> 00:02:02.697
00:02:02.739 --> 00:02:12.717
I love the voice notes feature only from what I see other people post about it on Tick Tock because people post a lot of tick-tocks of like the ridiculous voice notes the thing here I will die Ang and it's.
00:02:12.741 --> 00:02:22.007
Hilarious I need to go on this Earth my god did we need to add that to close friends we have we have some character should you should because it that is premium content.
00:02:22.328 --> 00:02:35.187
Yeah I mean that might have to happen right now and we have we have our you know everyone has close friends on Instagram and we always post like are like hinge photos of like I've had a guy that was literally by a fireplace with all of his.
00:02:35.238 --> 00:02:44.459
Huskies and he's wearing a fur coat and we have any of the topless he had like seven Huskies around him in the fire was lit behind him.
00:02:44.573 --> 00:02:55.262
I gotta find this photo but like a mountain man I think I've seen I sent it to them to the male group chat to like problem in them and they're like why the fuck are you sending us this I was like this is what I'm dealing with yes.
00:02:55.736 --> 00:02:59.835
What do you even do with that information I don't know what to do with somebody who has seven.
00:03:00.012 --> 00:03:09.368
He said he's a man who runs with wolves like are down or not it was in Colorado City yeah wild woman it was in Colorado he was showing he was a mountain man
00:03:09.284 --> 00:03:16.039
you know that's funny because we recently has been thinking about like what kind of man do I want and like the words that came to my mind were like
00:03:16.000 --> 00:03:20.099
Like a Warrior like like a protector I can't think of it like
00:03:19.907 --> 00:03:35.268
well it's Jason Momoa in a Sci-Fi movie but I was like I wonder like Nate Lee is that my leg in her loins just wondering if not enter Lloyd you know even like what's my what's white bathing you didn't like his
00:03:35.085 --> 00:03:43.451
his dreads at all this is named Jason no no Blake like yeah when we were not already out on our podcast Blake
00:03:43.403 --> 00:03:54.866
he's white he's definitely got listening he's on his for sure probably know all these people aren't and have been unhinged you might be able.
00:03:55.043 --> 00:04:03.013
I know you guys there in the car right now like what the fuck I saw Blake's fine ass that's the one I'm talking about he looks like a primal.
00:04:03.082 --> 00:04:06.082
Like leader of the tribe that's what I'm looking for.
00:04:06.710 --> 00:04:16.813
I'm glad you know that well I don't know if that's realistic that's what I was talking about the things that I think that I want and then life is what you actually want then the boyfriend that I have was wearing lace panties on the internet and.
00:04:16.945 --> 00:04:26.347
That's what I was like what is it that I think masculinity looks like and then I was like having flashes of that guy and Jason Momoa and then like the boyfriend that I actually have
00:04:26.263 --> 00:04:32.315
is literally wearing lace panties on the internet and it's so cute he's so cute but I'm like.
00:04:32.456 --> 00:04:43.523
Why do I think that this is masculine what does that mean do I need to honor my intuition and find Jason Momoa is getting a divorce right now or should I actually heard that the I heard that he move back in.
00:04:43.529 --> 00:04:56.441
I mean Robert in for them I am I love Lisa Bonet yeah yes yes but he's fine as hell if he has a brother or like a clone I met her like a Rasta like a tribal Rasta I'm also looking for that.
00:04:56.546 --> 00:05:07.730
So you guys I'm a little high so that's a very honestly I am horny just I'm here for it I'm here for it
00:05:07.691 --> 00:05:16.822
I just love this because I think that even how you're talking right now is how a lot of us think when I'm just sitting and I have thoughts going.
00:05:16.864 --> 00:05:27.553
That's exactly what it sounds like I'm like wait but what about this but what does that mean but should I look into that or is this okay mmm I'm like am I being shallow and then I was even like time even told my friend I'm like
00:05:27.478 --> 00:05:40.615
does that mean gay I'm like obviously doesn't mean k Why do I think that means gay I'm like even if someone is gay they can always begin any point like you know to me like nothing really protects you from like all these things that we believe are so right
00:05:40.495 --> 00:05:46.377
not true anyway right and that it can apply to anything kind of that expectations versus reality.
00:05:46.563 --> 00:05:54.218
You know we just had some examples with dating that can apply to any area of life and I'm finding myself constantly checking.
00:05:54.395 --> 00:05:59.970
My expectations versus the reality that I'm living because when I get too far into the expectations that's when I get.
00:06:00.156 --> 00:06:12.051
Disappointed in the way that you like it that's even what you want every time every time but we're an expectation driven Society like Society doesn't exist unless there's some sort of expectation that's looking to be met
00:06:11.976 --> 00:06:19.280
you know and I don't know if that's American society or that's other I mean I think that there's obviously each.
00:06:19.808 --> 00:06:27.778
City each Society has its own things you know but I definitely westerns it's definitely what yeah and I think like being
00:06:27.739 --> 00:06:32.369
I think that being open to at least for me in our podcast.
00:06:32.699 --> 00:06:40.156
It has allowed me more space to be open to changing my mind I do think that though.
00:06:40.198 --> 00:06:49.140
It's important to know like what your what it is that like who you are what foundationally things are like I'm open to changing my mind but at the base of this is.
00:06:49.192 --> 00:06:53.750
Who what I believe and I love you I love that for you that's my favorite
00:06:53.567 --> 00:07:01.411
that's my favorite saying that I learned in 2021 yes my friend would say it to me all the time I love that for you and I was like so you don't want to do that
00:07:01.264 --> 00:07:13.726
are you saying like you don't love it for you would it mean that is what they're saying are you insulting me are you congratulating me I'm so forth you know they say I feel like the times I say it truly is like.
00:07:14.389 --> 00:07:16.958
Absolutely not but love it you know.
00:07:17.054 --> 00:07:30.497
I feel like sometimes it can be condescending depending on how it said I think that like yeah it's frustrating because I'm doing but I don't know like I love that for you for me means like I love that for you maybe maybe I love that for me too.
00:07:30.530 --> 00:07:38.806
I'm just not sharing that I love that for me I don't know I wouldn't why wouldn't because I feel like human connection is about sharing but maybe I'm just not there yet yeah.
00:07:38.821 --> 00:07:51.301
Maybe I won't arrive there I don't know that's like the exciting part about the journey is that I don't know what everything every topic every country like their I'm gonna probably die and not see everything.
00:07:51.424 --> 00:07:59.097
You know I probably won't see everything on Earth I never thought of it that way God damn it
00:07:59.094 --> 00:08:10.125
God damn it it's for real that's disappointing ye have to say that sorry I didn't mean for it to be disappointed I think there's Beauty and yeah I guess it's a little mystery.
00:08:10.320 --> 00:08:22.674
I don't want full access we live in a full access Society again to Western society makes everything feel like everything is accessible you can do anything which is great for the ego you know but like.
00:08:22.896 --> 00:08:33.774
You can't bitch and like I don't want to know what am I gonna do my next lifetimes true men just do this shit all over again that's one that was thinking about expectation to.
00:08:33.807 --> 00:08:36.790
Like with expectancy you have.
00:08:37.039 --> 00:08:51.796
You have these standards that you want met kind of you know like even in love we're talking about dating and shit and like getting something and you're like damn I only want this like oh I got so far Nam like you kind of get on my nerves you know like you have these things that you're checking off but what if we just like.
00:08:52.847 --> 00:08:59.691
Not dated without expectation but this allowed people to exist outside of what we molded it to be
00:08:59.661 --> 00:09:07.217
you know like my Primal Jason Momoa Warrior Prince King and like.
00:09:07.439 --> 00:09:14.347
I don't know for women I think especially we have so much expectation on like are forever person you know there's all this.
00:09:14.443 --> 00:09:18.497
This programming around finding a May having a partner like
00:09:18.440 --> 00:09:27.643
fight leg all those security things but there's really no guarantee either way and so if we don't lead with that then it's there's it's like you can force the guarantee.
00:09:28.325 --> 00:09:40.679
That's what people do they just say I'm tired of looking I'm tired of waiting I'm too I don't I don't feel like doing the work you're good enough I'm going to be unhappy but at least I have this guarantee but I feel like the other side to that
00:09:40.676 --> 00:09:43.721
is I do think we have a lot of people now with
00:09:43.674 --> 00:09:53.174
dating and everything being so accessible as people always think they can get something better like there's more options out there I'm that person and I think there's a balance between being.
00:09:53.648 --> 00:10:00.952
Not like just settling or giving up for whatever it is but also being like I'm okay being where I'm at with who I'm with and not.
00:10:01.021 --> 00:10:13.933
Always looking over my shoulder waiting for something that you think that like I think that again I know we talked about this in our show but like living in a time where everyone kind of because you have all this access like.
00:10:14.533 --> 00:10:25.060
I don't know and like living in this time where things are shifting like I said and like 200 years I feel like this time and history will be written about because there's been this major shift like.
00:10:25.696 --> 00:10:31.938
I think there's a shift in dating overall to as a human race yes and the.
00:10:32.259 --> 00:10:40.787
The mystery of not knowing if this is my person but like I don't I don't have anymore I don't have the option to keep searching.
00:10:41.153 --> 00:10:59.215
Because there's so you can keep searching out app insert you can just key in deep searching whereas before it's like I live in a small town these are my options I'm going to pick this one real like and that's like I live in a small town but hey I got hinge on the open five 50-mile radius so like
00:10:59.023 --> 00:11:05.768
it's definitely a collective shift even when it comes to love and dating and like.
00:11:05.882 --> 00:11:17.804
Even like what city you live in matters more now to I feel like there's like definitely different Trends happening in Los Angeles in dating than there are in New York or in the South like in Texas like.
00:11:18.170 --> 00:11:28.553
Here I feel we can delay I don't know like I'm a single mom so yeah I my dating experience I feel like this is a little bit different than maybe someone who doesn't have kids but it's you know I feel like.
00:11:28.631 --> 00:11:38.203
Everyone wants to just go with the flow there's not a lot of intentionally dating maybe pandemic has shifted that more because we couldn't really connect with everyone
00:11:38.119 --> 00:11:47.782
but also the pandemic did was like enough to talk about printed that pandemic hate that word but like made people feel like they have to like keep their options open because you just don't know yeah.
00:11:47.815 --> 00:11:52.670
You never know what happened why would I make this Choice forever if like
00:11:52.649 --> 00:12:04.940
you never know or it's like must hold on to I feel like men fuck like kind of function from that way more I because I still feel like even I think for women despite all the access we have I don't know I feel like
00:12:04.874 --> 00:12:07.668
shit bitch we swiped a long time to get to this one
00:12:07.656 --> 00:12:15.230
there's not a lot of options so that I I'm I'm also a firm believer that when you find your person
00:12:15.218 --> 00:12:27.815
you just kind of down hmm and it's going to be easy yeah you're not going to be wondering and you know like okay but what about the people that like didn't know it was a person all these years and then they were like finally gave that nerd a chance and it's like the love of their life like that bitch didn't know.
00:12:28.235 --> 00:12:39.959
Usually in those stories there's some time of like a part is there's an evolution that happens where they either like grow together change in their own ways and then that's when they recognize that it's not yeah it's like barely have been best friends for.
00:12:39.965 --> 00:12:43.461
For years and then you like your Michael I don't know there's so many scenarios.
00:12:43.503 --> 00:12:54.452
Yeah this is there's so many options so many options it's overwhelming it is and then it's like all the options men have and
00:12:54.396 --> 00:13:01.429
and it feels like I figured women feel like they have to get chosen I mean obviously well what's been very interesting though because I have had.
00:13:01.516 --> 00:13:13.753
Can extended single season that started in my late twenties and now being in my early 30s I did feel a shift when I was dating men in my 20s who are often in their 20s where it was definitely that kind of go with the flow whatever.
00:13:14.246 --> 00:13:18.345
Then dating in my 30s as I've started to date men who are in their 30s.
00:13:19.008 --> 00:13:27.437
I found that a lot of them if they like you know have their stuff together whatever will get to a point where they're like I want woman now and they're like you I'm on date.
00:13:27.983 --> 00:13:31.650
I want a permanent plus one that is you are sure they're lying
00:13:31.575 --> 00:13:45.531
no they think that's what they want that's the thing thank like I can tell 30 no no I do think in unhinge I have found that if there is a man usually over 35 yes.
00:13:45.546 --> 00:13:49.970
35 is the master date yeah like 35 upper.
00:13:50.039 --> 00:14:03.194
Those men on hinge be the fuck serious about finding their fucking wife you gonna write it in their description yeah but they also like some my experience than that here for casual traction yeah the men who have kind of pursued
00:14:03.155 --> 00:14:03.743
00:14:03.740 --> 00:14:13.709
that I've experienced with me it's like they want a permanent plus one but they're not actually listening to me who I am or how I am some like if you were listening to this conversation you can see we're not compatible
00:14:13.544 --> 00:14:24.691
I feel the same way I've that's happened to me I had the one boyfriend I had from hinge had a serious checklist and I got it because he was Adventure Bay he was older and he had a plan for his life he was a Virgo.
00:14:24.751 --> 00:14:37.420
And guess what he's everybody's going to be found that wife after me I'll hinge solutely but I do agree like sometimes people just filling this space because they are checking off some and you feel that even in that now.
00:14:37.571 --> 00:14:40.931
And because I don't know I guess there's there's both I guess your.
00:14:41.054 --> 00:14:51.500
Literally on a Time thank you do row as you get older you do have boxes that you know you need check well I mean specifically for babies I think that's a thing to there is an actual
00:14:51.461 --> 00:15:02.726
age that shit don't start doing what to do and then you function from the need to or want to have a child a procreate rather yeah well that's a perfect segue because obviously
00:15:02.597 --> 00:15:09.432
your podcast is good moms bad choices you're both moms and I would love to talk to you a little bit about motherhood.
00:15:09.655 --> 00:15:17.300
That's a big theme on the podcast right now it's something that I'm talking to guests about because it's not something that I've experienced.
00:15:17.388 --> 00:15:25.051
But as someone who follows your content listen to the podcast and enjoys what you do something that I really admire about you too and what you've created.
00:15:25.121 --> 00:15:29.661
Is that you have motherhood you are good moms obviously
00:15:29.658 --> 00:15:41.616
in the name and how you live but you also have your own identities and you also still live life and enjoy life and I think a lot of the messaging that we can get around motherhood is like once you're a mom
00:15:41.586 --> 00:15:44.397
that's it there is there is no joy to be had
00:15:44.340 --> 00:15:53.751
there is no well the joy of seeing your child they are the only source of Joy they are the only source of everything and like what life you know
00:15:53.604 --> 00:16:01.511
and I appreciate that you show us that you can have a life and also still be a really great mom and be on that Journey.
00:16:01.535 --> 00:16:05.931
So I would just love to kind of hear more about your experiences there
00:16:05.802 --> 00:16:25.448
yeah well thank you for saying that I think that it's a it's an ongoing journey I go through I think if you're a mother and you're listening you know Mom guilt doesn't give a fuck about your feelings it follows you no matter where you go and so even within making choices for myself that's still something that I'm always like kind of like trying to keep at Bay
00:16:25.256 --> 00:16:31.488
but the payback for choosing myself is always so much higher than any sort of temporary gig
00:16:31.359 --> 00:16:40.779
that I feel and I love my daughter I love spending time with her she's the coolest kid she's seven now and like
00:16:40.659 --> 00:16:44.505
every year is like a new chapter in just our friendship.
00:16:44.539 --> 00:16:51.356
But I also need a break from that little motherfucker you know sometimes I am being a single mother
00:16:51.353 --> 00:17:04.860
is honestly it's a blessing and a curse in ways the blessing is that I get to drop her off and like I feel like married people we always talk about some podcast like we always talking about like yeah we want like we like we want partnership and all these things and it's on the way
00:17:04.641 --> 00:17:13.466
but like isn't it great that we don't aren't married because that would mean the kids would have to stay here when we leave and we come back but I think that it's really.
00:17:13.634 --> 00:17:23.341
Been important for me and jameelah like just as be if we showing up as good mom's requires you to take time for you.
00:17:23.815 --> 00:17:30.192
I'm no sir I'm not good I'm not a good mom if I'm at my children's my child's beck and call because I am
00:17:29.982 --> 00:17:43.002
her little bitch you know I pay for everything I support her dreams I'm her cheerleader I'm heard disciplinary you know she's my teacher and weighs like it's a lot.
00:17:43.008 --> 00:17:55.686
Driver it's a fucking lot I'm her driver shaginator later like it's just like it's a lot of things but I have to be and I need moments of just being me yeah.
00:17:55.747 --> 00:18:01.088
Yeah absolutely yeah I said that beautifully I think.
00:18:01.472 --> 00:18:13.106
Eric and I have discovered in this journey that women have children and then there's this like unspoken rule that you have to show up as this.
00:18:13.121 --> 00:18:24.224
A different person you have to then put down these things and be a mom and this is what that looks like and don't do those things that you did before being a mom because you're a mom now right
00:18:24.194 --> 00:18:32.479
like oh did you she's not doing that anymore but I think the pressure that we feel is its legitimate like it's real and.
00:18:32.557 --> 00:18:37.412
It's not realistic and it really breeds unhappy women.
00:18:37.688 --> 00:18:47.179
And a lot of unhappy mothers and unhappy mother's buried unhappy not well children and I think it's very important that we.
00:18:47.636 --> 00:18:57.532
Understand that after child birth after pregnancy you still and actually really should fight for.
00:18:57.592 --> 00:19:04.743
Who you are as an individual and what your happiness and pleasure looks like and let me tell you
00:19:04.605 --> 00:19:13.313
it's definitely going to look like taking a break sometimes because that's the only way you can really fully function in.
00:19:13.436 --> 00:19:17.202
In a pleasurable way we need breaks from people.
00:19:17.604 --> 00:19:25.925
We need to sit with ourselves to feel like what do I feel like outside of you and you and you and that could be mom could be husband it could be child
00:19:25.733 --> 00:19:34.882
you could love people and also still need to understand who you are in this world because that's how you better serve everybody around you and I think that so often that
00:19:34.826 --> 00:19:37.295
narrative gives women.
00:19:37.319 --> 00:19:49.655
It's it gives women little space to express themselves and show up in the multitudes of ways that women do because we're fucking layered and we're so multi-dimensional
00:19:49.418 --> 00:19:55.380
and you deserve to do that little that fun wild thing that you did that made you happy
00:19:55.126 --> 00:20:04.662
happy if you need to dance on the bar bitch before you go home at night whatever the fuck it is if you need to go on a date and feel sexy if you need to masturbate if you need to
00:20:04.641 --> 00:20:10.333
have a joint you know like it looks different for everybody and all I had to say.
00:20:10.384 --> 00:20:22.963
You can only give your child the very best version of you if you're being 100% yourself and a lot of times it requires that you know you sit and figure with that that looks like independent of anybody else.
00:20:23.069 --> 00:20:33.658
And I think people think you got to live and breathe your child and if you don't you're a bad mom or like oh you went out or you went on vacation are you with your girls getting drunk or whatever
00:20:33.475 --> 00:20:41.337
twerking or whatever like Society tells you you're no longer supposed to do all we can post pictures with your titties out that's not a.
00:20:41.361 --> 00:20:45.082
Appreciate you're too old it's too sexy I'm talking to me
00:20:45.007 --> 00:20:54.976
what is your daughter going to think your daughter's going to think that she should post pictures with her titties out because your titties out and it's like no actually I'm
00:20:54.838 --> 00:21:05.697
instilling in my child that it's so important that you show up as whoever it is that you are it doesn't have to look like Mom it doesn't have to like Dad isn't have to like Jody down the street it looks different for everybody but in fact.
00:21:06.072 --> 00:21:12.818
Just like I have to figure out what that looks like for me you should do that too yes because we're all individuals
00:21:12.635 --> 00:21:20.407
and I think that's the most important lesson really that we can give our children and motherhood and that's our whole brand
00:21:20.287 --> 00:21:34.397
I love that and I love what you said about still experiencing joy and pleasure and just being in your wholeness because what I've observed around a lot of conversations around motherhood and expectations it's placed on Mother's
00:21:34.160 --> 00:21:36.422
is that once they become a mother.
00:21:36.752 --> 00:21:48.386
What is enjoyable to them no longer matters like their needs no longer matter and from what I've seen it actually seems like during that time that's when your needs probably mattered the most the most and so.
00:21:48.410 --> 00:21:51.330
We're telling women that once they bring life into the world.
00:21:52.110 --> 00:22:04.833
What they need doesn't matter when that's the time when you're probably the most vulnerable and need that more than ever and you're doing the most Godly work you've ever done this is the your.
00:22:04.929 --> 00:22:07.372
Your master like
00:22:07.243 --> 00:22:19.048
the formation into the Falcons is one of your many sauces yeah like motherhood is to be empowered birth is an empowering motherfucking experience is it painful yes
00:22:18.838 --> 00:22:31.228
but getting through that journey and your body and in your spirit there's something deeply spiritual that takes place whether it's vaginal or whatever the ways but the transformation into motherhood is so fucking powerful
00:22:31.009 --> 00:22:43.768
but if we're not empowered and even the birth if we're not empowered and showing up as ourselves and the most prowess most Primal way if you're if everyone around you tells you you're supposed to dim yourself after that it will fuck up.
00:22:43.792 --> 00:22:47.225
All of the Power you're supposed to take from this
00:22:47.132 --> 00:22:57.613
rite of passage you like you that's why I'm really encouraged women to rethink that sacrificial lamb type of thought because in fact this is you
00:22:57.395 --> 00:23:16.059
forming into the highest Divine mother goddess of your experience to this point and every time you do it and when you let people take that power away from you you're you're you're really not taking the opportunity to utilize this transformation in the way that
00:23:15.849 --> 00:23:19.804
can be formative and life-changing
00:23:19.603 --> 00:23:29.148
and ignite some shit in your child and everybody around you you're feeding a child you've carried a child you've done all these things like yeah mother fuck it rub my feet
00:23:29.110 --> 00:23:37.728
and I have to go hold this baby did you see what the fuck I just did I have to go find myself in the jungle for two weeks yeah.
00:23:38.238 --> 00:23:45.460
And I don't want to hear shit about it not a guilt in fact support me gather around me tribe feed me.
00:23:45.836 --> 00:23:48.665
Fruit from your hand to my mouth
00:23:48.626 --> 00:23:59.909
this happens on our Retreat this is and like this is the mentality that we're trying to ignite and like tribe and in village and how it really looks to support women and mothers because
00:23:59.717 --> 00:24:08.506
we're doing a lot of great work over here and in fact if you feed us we're feeding the children like spiritually and for real
00:24:08.269 --> 00:24:28.960
and that breeds like the higher Consciousness in the world in which we are trying to make a better one for all of us and it's like that is where we're all fucked up and the patriarchy is that we've taken our power and women are confused and dazed they don't know who they are they don't recognize themselves they don't recognize their power
00:24:28.741 --> 00:24:37.701
and it's creating like children who also don't recognize their power and that is very detrimental to the life force yeah.
00:24:38.256 --> 00:24:41.302
Oh my gosh 100% I'm like word I.
00:24:41.398 --> 00:24:52.996
I have no personal experience about any of this but I just having seen it and having seen it through a lot of my friends and loved ones who are going through this experience right now I can see that a lot.
00:24:53.002 --> 00:24:58.226
And something that you mentioned Erica was Mom guilt which I'd love to talk about because I think that.
00:24:58.682 --> 00:25:04.518
I've never heard a man say anything about dad of course not that would be trying to say it now on the internet right
00:25:04.480 --> 00:25:17.410
it doesn't exist that's why I mean not to say that men oh don't feel guilty because that's I don't think that fathers don't experience any sort of longing for their child when they're out working or I'm not to say like they're total sociopath
00:25:17.227 --> 00:25:23.351
but it's a different expectation that a is put on us as women. Like.
00:25:23.555 --> 00:25:32.326
That we're supposed to show up under all means necessary whether we're sick whether we're fulfilling our dreams whether we are just taking a fucking break.
00:25:32.387 --> 00:25:39.510
Like if our child is in need then we are the only ones that need to be there or like the first ones on on site.
00:25:39.678 --> 00:25:45.668
And it's a farce first of all but I think that there's also something that's just
00:25:45.602 --> 00:25:55.453
I think an eight Lee ingrained in the woman because we are the child bearers we have this connection to our kids that sometimes I'm like I know that like
00:25:55.360 --> 00:26:00.098
the patriarchy has created mom guilt but also I feel
00:26:00.006 --> 00:26:06.328
that just the fact that I gave birth to a human that's outside walking amongst the Earth detached from me.
00:26:06.379 --> 00:26:14.223
Like there is a pulling there is a longing like if she's in pain I'm in pain almost you know and I don't I think that
00:26:14.121 --> 00:26:24.729
that level of mom guilt is necessary there has to be a checks and balance because if not then moms would be my bad mom's probably honestly there be a lot of bad moms in the world just like
00:26:24.609 --> 00:26:34.046
Bucky there's definitely some detach non-material absolutely but I believe that there's a healthy balance and I don't I'm not going to sit here and act like.
00:26:34.268 --> 00:26:45.128
I don't know the care to Mom go I don't know if there is one I think there's a level of lessening it but so far in my seven years of experience of mom guilt I've battled it of course but.
00:26:45.269 --> 00:26:48.972
I'd argue that it's a little bit necessary.
00:26:49.158 --> 00:26:58.145
But not to the point where it is interrupting your happiness and your all your choices and
00:26:58.061 --> 00:27:11.990
moving you forward because at the end of the day you are an individual and at the end of the day that babies and leave you yeah and do their own motherfucking thing you know and be like Mom back up and then you've you know you've never liked
00:27:11.925 --> 00:27:18.652
taking time for yourself and you wake up and you're like oh my god what have I done what do I do now think a lot of women don't even know.
00:27:18.694 --> 00:27:23.838
What they want to do like on a daily basis because every morning it's wake up
00:27:23.835 --> 00:27:33.317
feed the kids do this go to the grocery store go pick up the kid take them to soccer practice it's over soccer practice go to Chick-fil-A fuck oh shit I told her I wasn't cooked tonight go to the grocery store cook
00:27:33.215 --> 00:27:43.444
like oh you want ice cream oh you want to get those like it's just like it's nonstop that like some women unlike you forget to think for you even though like if you had a day off what do you actually want to do.
00:27:43.622 --> 00:27:45.587
What do you want to know today and it's like
00:27:45.512 --> 00:28:00.387
don't know nothing where's your favorite coffee shop nothing but like and that's cool too but that's why I think it's important for women to take extended breaks because we need a few days to decompress or sure like day one is not enough like whenever I dropped my
00:28:00.204 --> 00:28:08.606
Caravan like her Dad tried to drop her off like day to I'm like just was D I just I just started feeling like.
00:28:08.972 --> 00:28:20.030
Okay well because there is that maternal attachment to your child that's like our Primal instinctual motherly shit like there's no we're mothers 100
00:28:20.009 --> 00:28:26.394
percent of the time when we sleep no matter what no matter what we're doing there's always that you know what I mean and I think
00:28:26.274 --> 00:28:37.575
that's the part that like dad's own experience that way and that's that's the difficult part to just like except that there's I think almost it starts to happen as you get pregnant you start to have like
00:28:37.455 --> 00:28:50.232
wild crazy thoughts it's like it's like your gauge it's like your internal gauge to you know like you know I maybe I need to sit my ass down and do this or maybe I'd like you have to become like in balance of your pleasure and.
00:28:50.310 --> 00:28:56.660
Like prioritizing yourself and also like showing up because everything isn't like Parenthood is not easy.
00:28:56.936 --> 00:29:03.763
You now it's not easy because you just work on yourself a request to show up as a certain person but even in being like I said the best
00:29:03.661 --> 00:29:16.294
part of yourself you have to find time to do the work on yourself which so you're clear enough to even recognize okay I need to show up for her more in this way like how am I prioritizing her you know and all these like.
00:29:16.309 --> 00:29:17.212
00:29:17.209 --> 00:29:26.520
mostly to get clear about that and not judge yourself or feel shame about it is to be clear enough and have time and space to figure it all out.
00:29:26.545 --> 00:29:35.613
You deserve that I just want to say I think sometimes the narrative in like this motherhood space or like women that advocate for other women taking time.
00:29:35.646 --> 00:29:46.451
Because now thank God it isn't something that you see more examples of on the internet and there's still a lot of work to be done but it exists but there's this level of like fuck them kids.
00:29:46.530 --> 00:29:47.838
Hey it's like
00:29:47.826 --> 00:29:57.146
fuck them kids and it's almost like do like you hate your kid like like you it's like you have to hate your kid in order to like self-care yourself and I just want to say like
00:29:57.008 --> 00:30:00.009
because I sometimes I feel like that can be the narrative and it's like.
00:30:00.024 --> 00:30:07.274
No like you take the time so that you can be this fucking amazing mother that like you been put on this Earth to do and what
00:30:07.073 --> 00:30:24.441
an exciting and incredible responsibility that I've been asked and called to do that I get to in some way shape someone and still someone shay hey look at all these options pick one like this one worked for me but it might not work for you like that's fucking cool and that's why I love
00:30:24.321 --> 00:30:37.080
being a parent I do and it's not something that I initially felt called to be like I was like like I don't like kids shit I don't even know if I like babies you know and and I do I do now it's
00:30:36.969 --> 00:30:39.016
it's obviously shifted me in a way but.
00:30:39.121 --> 00:30:49.422
Even if you don't like you're also allowed to just like your kid there's a lot of like pressure for parents to like all children and you don't have to
00:30:49.356 --> 00:30:55.733
as long as you are being good to the one that you're raising and good being good to yourself like that's a lot already.
00:30:55.982 --> 00:31:05.707
A whole lot yeah I'm also thinking like as some I'm interested in having kids in maybe a couple of years and so something that I'm starting to think about is like what are the.
00:31:05.912 --> 00:31:12.828
Kind of relating back to the conversation we on your podcast like that shadow work that's good to get into before I think about bringing another life into the world
00:31:25.104 --> 00:31:31.625
I'm pregnant I would say I mean
00:31:31.460 --> 00:31:45.155
not that a kid limits you like from what you can do it definitely slows you the fuck down yeah make sure that you've like really fully experienced the things you want to experience not that you can't after having a child but like.
00:31:45.540 --> 00:31:47.721
Do it all fuck them all
00:31:47.538 --> 00:32:03.025
like you know like datum all like try it all say yes a fucking lot because you're going to have to say no more because you just he's spontaneous fucking yeah you know make sure that you're like not romanticizing your relationship like be real about it and like
00:32:02.896 --> 00:32:07.562
sometimes that's really really it's almost impossible to be real about it it takes you like.
00:32:07.604 --> 00:32:15.385
Having your heart broken it's not talking for six months to then look outside and like pitch thought the signs were there but like I don't know.
00:32:15.607 --> 00:32:25.188
We talked about on our episode with you about re parenting yourself and how that can be really challenging if you've never had a child because you've never been a parent and but like I think.
00:32:25.285 --> 00:32:27.871
What I think is a great tool is.
00:32:27.913 --> 00:32:36.063
What advice would you give your best friend like if your best friend was dealing with any of the shit that you were going through would you say stay.
00:32:36.402 --> 00:32:44.201
Would you say with what would you say truly like being like the judgmental best friend be the judgmental best friend.
00:32:44.405 --> 00:32:52.258
To yourself you know so I would say because I know dick and love will blind you and then
00:32:52.165 --> 00:33:01.657
you're fucking pregnant and then like society and friend pressure and age and all these things that's a Time
00:33:01.447 --> 00:33:13.918
you can't do like you were you got pregnant you gonna have that baby now because you're like 32 like that's kind of like crazy you know I feel like a type of way about not being there yet and like oh is it
00:33:13.870 --> 00:33:24.684
is it too late will it be now I know my friends are talking to that on my bitch go to more stuff come back in a year I don't know what to tell you I think maybe two I don't know like you you can do whatever you want
00:33:24.601 --> 00:33:33.173
yeah I feel like yeah it's you do have a different level of freedom and obviously we will be her single mom so we have like the opportunity to.
00:33:33.216 --> 00:33:39.196
Exercise that freedom more because we do get the privilege of dropping them off and splitting the time for your husband
00:33:39.157 --> 00:33:45.480
yeah I really hope those up that's another thing like I think that's the problem too I think men have.
00:33:45.513 --> 00:33:59.046
I've been granted the privilege of being like lets you know you're the mom and they're not going to most men know what this this shit is not fair but they're going to continue to reap the benefits of not showing up oh you're here shuts shower or you're here do they are going to leave her.
00:33:59.124 --> 00:34:09.444
Seven days like what am I supposed to have work like so do I know so many women are Retreat so many women were like my child's 11
00:34:09.396 --> 00:34:17.438
this is the longest that might have her my her dad has been with her like in seven days she's like she just he just text me a switch toothbrushes hers
00:34:17.363 --> 00:34:25.594
this is a fucking lesson you need to let a mother fucking out that's a very important some work you need to do how 50/50 are we going
00:34:25.510 --> 00:34:39.817
what is fatherhood showing up 50% look like for you and sometimes 70 and sometimes 70 when I can't give anymore because there's going to be time no matter how much you love motherhood no matter how much you love your kid then you can't give 50 you can't give shit
00:34:39.724 --> 00:34:49.126
there are times I'm like please get the fuck away from me I'm about to flip out yeah kids have no chill and they don't give a fuck
00:34:48.997 --> 00:35:02.917
honestly and they're like almost don't get like what does it look here's social cues common like respect they don't give a fuck they're just like I want it and I want it now and also what do you mean I can give it to me fuck you literally that's that.
00:35:03.085 --> 00:35:10.785
And it's it really does require that sometimes you have someone a village not even like more than multiple people.
00:35:10.890 --> 00:35:25.153
That you can really rely on and say hey can you help me that's really important like seeing if you have a like a tribe A Strong tribe of people you love and trust and also I think the best work to do is working on your intuition and listening to that shit.
00:35:25.456 --> 00:35:35.001
Love that because as women we get a lot of advice and we asked we seek a lot of advice only to do what we want to do and sometimes to be persuaded to do some shit we knew we shouldn't to do to begin with because that's not what I wanted to do.
00:35:35.034 --> 00:35:40.763
But I asked your ass and now I'm here living your fucking life and I'm pissed.
00:35:40.850 --> 00:35:47.217
It's true it's so true and and you've got to stop that shit yeah because as a mother and motherhood.
00:35:47.251 --> 00:35:56.238
That is your intuition is God speaking directly to you and only you know what you need to do and it's really important to start getting clear with self to understand
00:35:56.136 --> 00:36:09.228
with that voices and if it's influenced by actually what you want or what other people have told you and I think now is the most important time to start doing them not now I'm putting it putting in practice for sure that that would be a tip of mine that I didn't even know
00:36:09.054 --> 00:36:21.543
I mean your tip would be something I wish I would have known before I had a child you know that was not even that was not even on the table and also just trust trust
00:36:21.504 --> 00:36:24.406
other people Tread Like Release Control.
00:36:25.033 --> 00:36:32.391
You know like it's okay to drop that baby off like I remember going to someone's house they were like I was at a client and they're like
00:36:32.298 --> 00:36:38.674
baby prepping their house and she loves are her lashes and I'm an esthetician I do lashes go to people's houses and she's like.
00:36:38.761 --> 00:36:50.215
Yeah it's on was just leaving Shaquita spent like $7500 like baby-proofing the house and force like this bitch look okay but I'm like like there's just.
00:36:50.338 --> 00:37:02.665
You don't need to Baby proof I mean everybody do what you need to do but like what makes you feel good but there's so much stress and manic around being a mother and a lot of times you don't really need a whole bunch of stuff just coming as you are.
00:37:02.708 --> 00:37:07.086
Feeding them and changing them is enough mmm that's really beautiful.
00:37:07.245 --> 00:37:17.582
And I feel like we even see that with kids it's like you can buy a kid the best most fanciest toy and they're going to find a piece of cardboard and a rock and love it.
00:37:17.786 --> 00:37:22.218
Even more I also like they won't care they don't have no problem telling you that.
00:37:22.269 --> 00:37:31.950
They prefer this actually also case are manipulative they are like they will fuck with you and I think it's important like you know we're talking about the gauge of like
00:37:31.767 --> 00:37:49.090
mom go and doing stuff for your kids but also sometimes if you give your kids a lot of extra like it was gonna sound bad let me really not if you give your kids too much attention but if you give them what they want all the time and then you start to take time for yourself they're going to act out in a way because they're so used to you
00:37:48.988 --> 00:38:01.684
not having time for yourself that they're going to manipulate you in a way that you do feel guilty so that when you do step away or take time for yourself they have no idea what that looks like and they're like what the fuck are you doing why are you can't even step your way but you're not away
00:38:01.510 --> 00:38:05.654
yeah you know that's that's really true kids are.
00:38:06.174 --> 00:38:13.837
The best manipulators of all time very tricky gotta watch the yeah they're smart they are they're emotionally like they're from you
00:38:13.708 --> 00:38:21.336
they're from God inside of you feeling all of your anxieties are all the things that you experience they felt like Mommy gets annoyed when that
00:38:21.090 --> 00:38:30.906
happens I'm going to do that how to do that no mommy mommy's gonna stay if I do this if I look at her like this if I say oh I've do you haven't been here even though I know this bitch has been here for 45 days straight.
00:38:31.218 --> 00:38:34.083
But they do that and then they also check you.
00:38:34.171 --> 00:38:45.147
Which is it that's when you when you really you have to be able to decipher like what's the real shit and what's is the manipulation because there's been times where my daughter has checked me and I needed to be checked
00:38:45.144 --> 00:38:45.975
and I was like
00:38:45.973 --> 00:39:00.847
I thought you were noticing I was doing that but now I know that you know so now I'm going to stop thanks for telling me you know and I'm like that's my lesson like you are you do like your feelings matter because sometimes as parents we get annoyed and we're like that's what I said so that's why
00:39:00.646 --> 00:39:02.846
yeah but don't fucking question me.
00:39:02.996 --> 00:39:15.575
You know like I think that's the that's that's that's the black parent we do that a lot where we are kind of dismissive to our children's feelings because their immature feelings you know we're like this is not important right now.
00:39:15.833 --> 00:39:18.519
Actually like you're crying is I'm.
00:39:18.525 --> 00:39:29.240
Doing gum going through real-life shit and it's like well this is the realest shit in their life right now yeah perspective you know and I've had to like many times many times like.
00:39:29.417 --> 00:39:38.666
Apologize and talk myself off of like you know what I'm what my first reaction is which is just make it stop shut the shut up.
00:39:39.023 --> 00:39:47.740
You know and be like okay but what is actually happening here what is the problem and like why can't you express it to me okay we have work to do here.
00:39:47.836 --> 00:39:59.191
You know I you know and I think I think it goes both ways the manipulation but also the moment the teachable moments that kids inevitably offer you because they are mirrors they're such a teachers they are.
00:39:59.377 --> 00:40:01.054
00:40:00.988 --> 00:40:10.579
I know my daughter is getting really good at math and I'm she's gonna start embarrassing me soon I'm scared seriously we're in the car and she's like Mommy what's 67 plus 78 and I was like
00:40:10.477 --> 00:40:16.745
it's like 13040 and she's like
00:40:16.643 --> 00:40:31.581
check on the calculator I was like fuck I took too long to answer I'm like this is where it starts happening where my kid not checking on my check something's wrong my kid finds out I'm not as smart as she thinks we're she like outsmarts me and she become smarter than me and that's exactly what I want.
00:40:31.614 --> 00:40:40.259
My friend told me the other day she was looking at my daughter's pictures like I was so cool she's going to be cooler than you and I was like I know I'm so happy about that.
00:40:40.436 --> 00:40:55.221
I want her to be happy I want her to be cooler than me I know that like a cool thing I want you to do all the things you want to do and I want you to know that you can do them but when you have all this sauce early yeah have the sauce right now hmm yeah yeah I do feel like kids are
00:40:55.164 --> 00:40:56.976
have more sauce now than.
00:40:57.118 --> 00:41:09.319
At least I know I did I don't know I will speak for y'all but I feel like back in the day there was a limited sauce to go around for the kids today kids have a lot more it's a devil is the inner it's both it's a good and bad that's fucking tick-tocks
00:41:09.199 --> 00:41:14.468
oh my God so I would also like to talk to you about.
00:41:14.744 --> 00:41:24.784
What it also looks like to be mothers while you are building and creating dope shit and chasing your dreams right like you've created good moms bad choices which are such a dope platform
00:41:24.655 --> 00:41:32.211
you built it to be like an incredible business and I think a lot of people may feel like okay it's harder for me too
00:41:32.145 --> 00:41:38.405
pursue those things I want to pursue while still having the role of mother how has that experience been for the two of you.
00:41:39.464 --> 00:41:49.531
It's been beautiful it's been challenging it's been sacrificing time it's been like all the things I think one of the ways we've been able to
00:41:49.511 --> 00:41:57.561
grow our businesses by including our kids in some way I mean not necessarily on the podcast but they come along.
00:41:57.784 --> 00:42:09.282
They were in my house every night when I was recording you know if we needed a record somewhere else they're probably going to come yeah because my dream isn't going to stop because I have a kid in fact like and then.
00:42:09.559 --> 00:42:18.780
I've never really felt that way actually I don't I mean I started we started good moms on our daughters were like two and a half right so you to know how much almost.
00:42:19.299 --> 00:42:26.684
It was almost 30 because I was listening to the first episode was like I read almost three I was like what the fuck how she said it.
00:42:26.915 --> 00:42:38.351
Motherhood really gave me this like I don't even know where it came from this journey this drive I needed connection desperately and that's why I mean jameela met like it was literally I was a desperate.
00:42:38.411 --> 00:42:46.309
Desperate housewife Flash not housewife but sort of kind of and I needed friends bad.
00:42:46.396 --> 00:43:00.299
And I needed mom friends bad like my friends weren't cutting it wasn't enough I needed someone to relate to this exact experience that I was going through and so I literally found meal on the internet and made her my friend and
00:43:00.215 --> 00:43:07.842
I don't know if I would do that now I probably wouldn't do that now but it was just what my spirit was lacking and was like couldn't ignore any more.
00:43:08.173 --> 00:43:16.403
But I would say like being able to have this friendship turned business has been like the reason why I think God really put jameelah in my life like
00:43:16.347 --> 00:43:29.862
for a reason like it is divine and I know that like I had to be open to that calling and I think as like you have to be open like if something makes you feel even a little bit of good run towards it.
00:43:30.210 --> 00:43:41.340
And that's what like good moms was before me I was like oh my God every day I'm like this feels like I'm like okay I'm gonna keep going I'm going to keep going like IRAs not gonna stop this shit you're coming come on get your ass in the car you know like I think
00:43:41.301 --> 00:43:54.231
not having to make the choice between either one and creating an environment where like you don't have to make that choice and sometimes the choice doesn't look that cute like yeah like I'm recording in my kid is here and she's interrupting and I'm talking about sex and I have to keep
00:43:53.994 --> 00:43:56.356
you pausing it and you have to go in the other room
00:43:56.263 --> 00:44:04.638
I'm going to get this thought out because this is really important to me like it's sacrificed there's been times where kids have like raise themselves for a few weeks you know like
00:44:04.626 --> 00:44:13.235
they're playing in the other room because we're building something right now it has been sacrificial and weighs like time and like.
00:44:13.322 --> 00:44:27.800
It's difficult it's difficult there's no easy cute balanced way unfortunately maybe I mean thankfully like our kids are the same age and we literally have each other yeah and it's pretty like a beautiful bond to but I think
00:44:27.609 --> 00:44:33.922
I think that of course it's been it's been challenging but I think it's true if there's something that felt.
00:44:33.946 --> 00:44:42.528
That we had to get it done and then we had this shared experience of no matter what we're getting it done who carries it's midnight they have school tomorrow just shut up keep going lay down
00:44:42.363 --> 00:44:59.893
we're going to figure this out and actually creating a space that allowed us to show up in all of those ways I think the first episode the kids come in I'm like fuck we're going to do like she's like We're mom's we're gonna have to just let them know her mom's oh yeah well you know I'm kind of rolled with it and it was this need to show up.
00:45:00.566 --> 00:45:11.713
As ourselves and this safety to kind of firm each other in that and we had like Erica and I haven't had a mutual friend and we weren't close at all
00:45:11.666 --> 00:45:26.072
you know before we started this podcast you maybe hang out a handful of times at some birthday parties and the first thing that really Drew us to one another is she had newly become single I had been single for some time and grind we didn't know each other very well we met in motherhood she was like well I met a
00:45:25.925 --> 00:45:29.052
couple on Tinder and I was like um
00:45:28.842 --> 00:45:45.544
did Joe I think I've it I didn't know you was that spicy and they okay you know this bitch was my friend for a reason and that for me I was like oh that's so let me call her again because now we're both single we have these kids and I know I can like I knew I could talk to her I knew we would like.
00:45:45.613 --> 00:45:54.879
Cool but I didn't know we were that cool I don't know why that made me feel very very cool it was vulnerable was vulnerable and open yeah and
00:45:54.733 --> 00:46:06.753
really that's the the beginning of the podcast because of shortly after that she was like going to start a podcast with me because she hadn't seen black women in this space honest she had seen a lot of
00:46:06.697 --> 00:46:15.009
non-married women it's like this fairy tale you know shit were pushed all the time and no one was talking to you about it from a real space and so.
00:46:15.060 --> 00:46:23.507
That like sitting there together and and I told her we're going to be honest or not you know in honesty is really just what.
00:46:23.729 --> 00:46:28.548
Pushed us to keep going and the most beautiful thing I think about it all is that.
00:46:29.004 --> 00:46:38.567
Our kids get to see literally watch something grow yeah they saw us cultivate this thing and
00:46:38.565 --> 00:46:50.333
now they know they can do whatever they want yes you know I was watching cat one with her and I was like God I wanted to be Catwoman I'm pissed but I like Zoe I really wanted to be Catwoman like I my school was I was going to play Catwoman I was like huh.
00:46:50.421 --> 00:47:01.658
I could become women and I just like talking to make sure she knows she could be Catwoman so we could start early but like nothing's off limits nothing's off limits and even if it doesn't look
00:47:01.619 --> 00:47:11.309
like this or like that like you can create it what do you want to build let's do it like in an obviously and you know sometimes we feel mom Gail about.
00:47:11.504 --> 00:47:26.189
The time the the attention span I get anxiety as fuck knowing I should be doing this but I'm doing this and I need to do both both are important and like you know business is a baby it's it takes a lot of time but it is very fulfilling when when you dedicate you know
00:47:26.142 --> 00:47:33.796
the thing time and energy to the things that you're allowed to give birth to other things that excite you yes you know
00:47:33.685 --> 00:47:42.762
it's okay like the actual physical birth is not the only birthing that you'll be doing it's not the only thing you'll love unconditionally it's not the thing you're going to
00:47:42.634 --> 00:47:50.252
only thing you're going to be paying attention to and watching over like the crib like it's a growing is it doing okay you know are you okay breathing are you still alive.
00:47:50.430 --> 00:47:54.457
You know that's that's how it should feel when you're you know.
00:47:54.751 --> 00:48:07.114
Building something and building a business that you're excited about and you have to be relentless you have to like we talked about manifestation a lot it's not about fucking saying I'm a magic wish over a candle and
00:48:06.913 --> 00:48:15.180
letting it burn for three days and then the shit comes true know like there is action behind it that has to happen you have to show up.
00:48:15.321 --> 00:48:23.993
You have to like and when you and I promise you when you do there's no way you can fail and the journey might not.
00:48:24.287 --> 00:48:37.172
Look exactly how you thought it was going to look because even me and Mila's Journey like I look up and I'm like damn that we manifested that b it looks different than like the original manifestation but essentially it's the same fucking result you know and like
00:48:37.052 --> 00:48:39.378
being open to that and
00:48:39.357 --> 00:48:48.614
honestly too I think it's surrounded yourself with other people that can help push you along and Empower you relationships you do you can't do it alone.
00:48:48.728 --> 00:48:58.562
Like you can build a business around like luckily me and me and I like I like I needed her thank God honestly the heavens above bring you to like talk about things together I'm so jealous.
00:48:59.189 --> 00:49:13.920
No but you can but you can do it by yourself absolutely fun friends doing something completely different but can still support you in the same ways yeah yeah it's just a different type yeah it's different but it's essentially the same thing and it's really aligning yourself with the people around you
00:49:13.737 --> 00:49:22.598
and finding your work tribe finding the people that you can lean on ask for advice finding the people that will like pass through that contact and not make you feel weird about it you know like.
00:49:22.685 --> 00:49:31.978
People that really support you and and that's what I've found in this space and that's I think the reason why we've kept going I haven't always felt that way and I'll honestly I've been afraid to ask for help.
00:49:32.056 --> 00:49:45.509
Like it's it's week or like she's gonna know I'm not as far along me she's I'm not as far as long as her like she's going to think or like she's never going to do that for me like just not trusting that people will show up for you and it's like.
00:49:45.641 --> 00:49:55.573
We have met such an incredible group of women in this space that have just been like oh yeah I got that brand partnership let me can't let yeah let me connect you on email to them like you should have one too.
00:49:56.119 --> 00:50:03.702
Not like me first mean only yeah and it's it's really it's really important.
00:50:04.059 --> 00:50:13.389
Yeah it's opening your heart to like love and your child and abundance but also your ability to love lots of things in abundance and for like that love of
00:50:13.359 --> 00:50:25.695
other things to also give love to your child like whatever energizes you if you're passionate about something you're going to be like excited about life like if I wasn't doing this work I would be sad
00:50:25.683 --> 00:50:31.771
I would I wouldn't I like II there was a time when you know the very early and motherhood and I was looking for something
00:50:31.678 --> 00:50:36.803
I didn't know what exactly it was and I was scared I wasn't going to find whatever it was like this
00:50:36.702 --> 00:50:48.515
thing but the excitement that good mom's gave me like our friendship like this message gave me like I even 14 years we weren't making money we still showed up even if our kids had to like
00:50:48.423 --> 00:50:58.580
I don't know what they are doing in there but like feeding that love and things that you love and in yourself is ultimately way also
00:50:58.505 --> 00:51:12.983
breathes the relationships and the friendships and the connections and the networks that breed more and give you money and give you fight like those things are secondary but when you go on that first tip of love and you feed that everything else kind of starts to drop in.
00:51:13.287 --> 00:51:19.924
And one more thing because we're going to we're going on tangent but I thought as I was just thinking we were saying that how like.
00:51:20.092 --> 00:51:29.386
Mila was my self-care like that was me taking time for myself hanging out with her having these conversations which essentially gave me space to be like.
00:51:29.824 --> 00:51:37.812
This could be a business oh I can I can I can create this you know what I mean so that's why I think it's really is important that moms and women
00:51:37.710 --> 00:51:49.920
take time for themselves whether that's having sitting down with your bestie or your new friend and having like really great conversations that help inspire you to figure out what it is you actually care about or it's going on a boat trip
00:51:49.746 --> 00:52:02.181
boards going to the nail shop every Tuesday at this time and no one can fucking interrupted that day you know it's like it looks different for everyone also making sure that tribe is your tribe and actually makes you feel good
00:52:02.070 --> 00:52:16.440
and you know that's the thing about our friendship I think it both made us feel like oh you're doing that to okay I'm not tripping okay I knew I wasn't but I don't tell that other bitch because she's gonna judge me and I didn't mean and kind of giving each other the permission to show up as we were in motherhood and I think that's been
00:52:16.348 --> 00:52:23.966
part of it too that's beautiful that's like what we were talking about on your podcast about being well in communities exactly what you just described mmm
00:52:23.928 --> 00:52:33.095
check your circle and don't be afraid to add to it mmm yeah making friends as an adult is tricky and that's something I have.
00:52:33.623 --> 00:52:42.394
Listeners and community members asked about it all the time comes to good vibe Retreat you guys look at my booty is speed dating for friends
00:52:42.301 --> 00:52:51.720
it's about that's what someone's called it were in Costa Rica the red it's like deep level speed dating and in our community really is like come as you are type of community and it.
00:52:51.736 --> 00:52:52.972
00:52:53.131 --> 00:53:06.250
Maybe somebody Friends Are Dead our next Retreat is in July I'm trying to convince less to come July 31st and we're going to Costa Rica there's two different groups of women that are coming whoever comes the perfect group
00:53:06.166 --> 00:53:07.168
00:53:07.093 --> 00:53:16.198
it's literally women now we've now we've done this twice already are meeting up in their cities or forming friendships we get pictures and I literally fucking here
00:53:16.105 --> 00:53:27.099
like tears come because I'm like oh my God this is exactly why we're doing this work because it is hard for women to connect sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone
00:53:26.943 --> 00:53:33.806
to peel back these layers this mask to be able to open up to women that maybe you wouldn't typically be friends with in your city.
00:53:33.956 --> 00:53:42.799
You know and when you come to the retreat you kind of have to surrender your in the jungle you're out of the country there's no where you'd for you to fucking hide girl like.
00:53:43.057 --> 00:53:51.171
We're all here doing the same shit who are you who are you wait I kind of like you you know like and I think that there's a lot of.
00:53:51.223 --> 00:53:58.742
Ego involved when it comes to making friends as an adult and I think that that I think that the retreat.
00:53:59.289 --> 00:54:02.604
It really allows the ego to be stripped and.
00:54:02.953 --> 00:54:14.028
Come as you are yeah so I encourage you if you're a woman that's listening that's like I don't know where to start I have nope I moved to a new city I have no friends here like I promise you there's someone near you that's coming.
00:54:14.322 --> 00:54:23.679
Because that's just how Divine Alignment works when you make the choice to choose yourself you people will come and and it's like it's your agreeing to the Six-Day trip but.
00:54:23.820 --> 00:54:28.828
You take that shit home with you oh yeah and and that that saying yes to that
00:54:28.753 --> 00:54:39.540
so many yeses open up from that so many relationships birth from that so many shifts like it's not just you know coming to the Jungle but it's coming to the Jungle to meet like 23 or 24 other.
00:54:39.565 --> 00:54:46.661
Mines that are going to essentially be teachers to you and it's just it's really powerful you guys you should come
00:54:46.641 --> 00:54:58.499
so get well we'll make sure we include information in the show notes so that people can check it out I'm sold I want to go convince me but actually love what you just said about surrendering whether it is surrendering to.
00:54:58.776 --> 00:55:13.767
Showing up fully as yourself and being seen maybe surrendering to a scenario that you're and surrendering to not knowing all the answers I think that's something that is really going to stick with me yeah I literally have had to learn it I've had to surrender just to the day
00:55:13.629 --> 00:55:16.720
you know like okay bitch you win.
00:55:16.834 --> 00:55:25.623
I'm not going to get it all done yeah I'm not because I am a doer okay like it's a blessing and a curse but it's like God you're doing.
00:55:25.962 --> 00:55:40.081
Or like a delegator I just I'm like I'm just like we gotta get this done this this this this I know I'm jameelah I'm gonna do this so I did it i'm like bitch sorry I love you I hope I mean I love you I'm sorry I'm like the worst I know it and I but I can't help it because if I don't
00:55:39.979 --> 00:55:47.436
get it out if I for example if I don't text me like I just sometimes I'll just text her and be like this this this mess I'm just putting this here so I don't forget.
00:55:47.631 --> 00:56:05.053
You know and also putting this here like so maybe you'll do one of these things because I have to do but we gotta get it done I'm overwhelmed also have 20 more days and we're gonna lose this one but some someone's gonna get it the system but I have also realized how counteractive that is to my creativity in ways how its
00:56:04.843 --> 00:56:11.967
counteractive to my mental health it activates my anxiety and sometimes I just have to say yeah I can't.
00:56:12.396 --> 00:56:21.617
I'm not doing it sorry like no mmmm I'm not recording today can't work I just I don't care you know and.
00:56:21.803 --> 00:56:26.389
And sometimes like she's like no bitch we are we have to and I'm like fuck fine
00:56:26.215 --> 00:56:37.776
but there has to be a surrendering even suggest that like especially like women we have so many things on our plate moms like sometimes Just Surrender girl like just say I just can't
00:56:37.647 --> 00:56:51.811
mom today go and living room eat the popcorn watch TV for 42 hours for breakfast I don't care just fucking get away and that's the surrender you know and I think that that's
00:56:51.682 --> 00:56:57.996
really really important and it also allows things to flow in that way if you're constantly late.
00:56:58.227 --> 00:57:02.262
This rigid like got to get this little eat it leaves no room for like.
00:57:03.061 --> 00:57:15.919
Magic to happen for the inspiration to seep through like there's just so much structure in place yes so we can't be reminded of that enough because I know I've experienced that so many times that when I just.
00:57:16.069 --> 00:57:18.827
Chill out and let things happen they happen.
00:57:19.076 --> 00:57:30.701
But it still gets so tempting to want to do and fix and force and even we've experienced it we still have to remind ourselves of that and my my biggest lesson it has been like don't force shit.
00:57:30.779 --> 00:57:36.885
Like I'd like one there's one thing to be persistent we've been very persistent bitches but.
00:57:37.260 --> 00:57:43.268
Forcing no I never liked this this journey has.
00:57:43.526 --> 00:57:57.239
Opened UPS blossomed so divinely that I'm never like scared I'm like because I've I know the magic you know like I know how the universe works I don't have Spirit works I know everything is mine is already mine is on its way
00:57:57.155 --> 00:58:05.900
like I'm not right even knows I'm like alright catch you around the cut around the block you know but it's just because I believe
00:58:05.825 --> 00:58:21.032
in the magic in life like there's magic and everything you know even saying like relationships that go wrong like there's magic in every every corner but sometimes it takes to get through the shit to see it and sometimes it's just like relax and stop trying to control what you cannot control
00:58:20.822 --> 00:58:22.761
what you can't control is not to be controlled.
00:58:23.217 --> 00:58:31.124
Release you know and that's that's a huge and that's a huge lesson in motherhood to that shit you can't control that person it's a little human
00:58:31.085 --> 00:58:41.720
yeah like she's gonna have a tantrum she can't tell you why you're not going to reason with her she's a terrorist so just let her have her tears moment and that's it
00:58:41.690 --> 00:58:50.587
you know and you might cry also because that's for sure happen and they die don't listen or I'm crying she's crying and we're all crying now and it's like this is a hot-ass mess.
00:58:51.304 --> 00:58:55.763
Another okay and but by you gotta surrender sometimes your kids got to see you cry yeah
00:58:55.643 --> 00:59:10.500
so they know like Mommy has feelings too yes I've done that I've had that moment with my childlike never forget this moment in the mall where she was she was like just fucking with me all day just crying for no reason it's a terrible threes just
00:59:10.470 --> 00:59:22.509
everything was a problem everything and finally I got to the mall and I was like I just need to buy one thing for myself I was here to like buy something I was looking for couldn't find it she was tripping she wanted me to pick her up I didn't want to pick her up I'm like.
00:59:22.731 --> 00:59:35.841
Then she starts having a meltdown and then everyone in the mall is staring at me now of course I'm a bad mom because my kid isn't you know and I also I have like trauma like because I'm a black woman and I'm like oh my God don't be like those white kids I crazy you're acting like a white kid
00:59:35.640 --> 00:59:45.438
but also like fine just go do it I don't give a fuck cuz you know white people they just let their kids just do crazy shit in public places
00:59:45.408 --> 00:59:58.194
but low-key they surrender more they do this I Surrender but at that time I like the lie I just remembered this lady came up to me and she's like.
00:59:58.578 --> 01:00:11.013
Is she okay and I was like am I okay like are you going to ask me if I'm okay have you seen all the hell that's been raised raised I think there's someone said yeah and she offered her water and not me and that was like the line was drawn I was
01:00:10.956 --> 01:00:20.303
his and I was like drawers and I brought her into the dressing room and I was like I'm doing the best I can she's three.
01:00:20.724 --> 01:00:29.765
And I'm like trying to tell her like how she's hurt me today I'm looking teary I think about it it wasn't funny but also like it was a really like moment that I was like
01:00:29.699 --> 01:00:36.228
what the fuck did I sign up for here can I do this mmm I'm losing my shit
01:00:36.064 --> 01:00:49.110
like am I allowed to cry I don't give a fuck I'm surrendering I'm crying and I fucking bawled my eyes out and then she literally was like came around to stop crying because now she's scared because like why the fuck is my mom crying and she was like
01:00:49.054 --> 01:00:56.610
trying to hug me and I was like don't hug me I'm mad at her now I'm I've been mad at her and I was like Mommy.
01:00:56.877 --> 01:01:06.836
Cries too I have feelings too you have been hurting my feelings all day long like don't you see that and she just was like.
01:01:07.004 --> 01:01:16.028
She heard me you know she heard me and her and I don't know what she took from that moment I wish I could say it was the last time it happened wasn't but
01:01:15.935 --> 01:01:24.157
I don't regret that moment I'm happy that she saw that and we've had many more moments like that where like my daughter has seen me be vulnerable because I'm not perfect.
01:01:24.280 --> 01:01:29.765
But I do know a lot more than you and hopefully one day you'll know more than me that's the fucking point.
01:01:30.194 --> 01:01:40.649
I don't know why I went with that but I feel like that was that was the perfect note of it of letting yourself be human letting your kids experience you being human.
01:01:40.727 --> 01:01:43.781
Moving forward with it yeah surrender
01:01:43.671 --> 01:01:51.973
that's going to be the theme of the episode well thank you both so much for being here I love this conversation I had so much fun
01:01:51.863 --> 01:02:05.954
please tell our listeners where they can find you thank you for having us you can find us anywhere you listen to podcasts good moms bad choices you can find us on Instagram at good moms underscore bad choices make sure you follow the good vibe Retreat Instagram.
01:02:06.077 --> 01:02:16.928
We are having a retreat in Costa Rica July 31st is the first Retreat August 10th is the second Retreat if you've been wanting to take a break this is your sign it's time.
01:02:17.087 --> 01:02:25.696
And you won't regret it I swear to God you'll never regret choosing yourself ever you'll figure it out did I miss anything
01:02:25.675 --> 01:02:36.922
we have a patreon where we have exclusive content more advice more lessons we talked about a lot of stuff over there it's patreon.com backslash good moms bad choices.
01:02:37.297 --> 01:02:43.106
Les it let us wait I'll link all of that in the Stono so it seemed clearly defined thank you thank you so much.
01:02:42.960 --> 01:02:48.240
01:02:48.163 --> 01:02:57.042
And that is our show for today thank you so much for tuning into today's conversation with Mila and Erica from good moms bad choices
01:02:56.841 --> 01:03:03.875
if you liked this episode make sure you leave a rating and a review it is super helpful for supporting the show
01:03:03.638 --> 01:03:12.643
and also make sure that you go check out good moms bad choices add it to your podcast lineup if it's not there already I know you will love it
01:03:12.613 --> 01:03:19.215
huge thanks to our sponsors for supporting the show and for helping make production of this show
01:03:19.068 --> 01:03:28.307
possible as always we always have coupon codes and sponsor information in the show notes so make sure you check it out so that you can get your special deals and.
01:03:28.421 --> 01:03:32.367
Discounts it's also really really helpful for the podcast.
01:03:32.373 --> 01:03:41.018
When you use our hook up codes when you use our special links because that shows our partners that you really enjoy listening that you enjoy checking out their.
01:03:41.294 --> 01:03:50.371
Next week we're going to start diving into the creativity part of the series talking about the intersection between wellness and creativity.
01:03:50.549 --> 01:03:57.609
Amazing conversations coming that I know you're going to love so thanks again for being here and I'll talk to you next week.
Sign up to receive email updates
Enter your name and email address below and I'll send you periodic updates about the podcast.